Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. ThanksJanuary 20, 2010 at 8:12 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Boys! Boys! Boys!, Dash Dices, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, I have had enough, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Sad but true, Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw, UGH!, Willy Nilly, Yowzers | 10 Comments
Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28 minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.
Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?
The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.
This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.
You ever see those beautiful, intelligent, funny, women with a Pee-Wee Herman looking dude? As my male co-worker shouted out in anguish one day after looking up the husbands of beautiful women,”It’s ALWAYS thooose guys.” I turned to him, looked him dead in the eye and said “Yes because ‘thaaaaat guy’ treats her like gold and doesn’t cheat on her and makes her laugh and buys her flowers not only when he’s in the doghouse and probably appreciates her more than any Casanova looking guy could. That’s why it’s ‘thoooooose guys’” There also comes a point where you have to weigh what is most important in a mate. His looks or how he he treats you? His race or his character? Hmmmm, let’s make Dr. King proud here.
I have heard time and time again of “the dream.” “A goooood black man.”Beautiful black woman marries handsome black man they have 2.5 beautiful black kids a picket fence and a chocolate labrador. Woman, you are limiting yourself. Enough with these rules and regulations. They will keep you exactly where you are. Single. Does this chocolate dream tell you whether you’ll be happy in your marriage? Does it tell you that this man won’t cheat on you, or you on him? Does it tell you that it will last forever? If there’s a “black girl curse” I guess I have immunity, because there is no shortage of good catches being thrown my way. Besides, I had a very wise woman that set me straight at a very early age.
I remember when I was 15, I proclaimed to my mother “Mommy, I’m going to marry a Panamanian man” and instead of a proud approving smile, I got a bewildered look and a “Why?” I stuttered a little. Wasn’t I supposed to marry someone like me? She looked at me and said, “there are lots of good men that aren’t Panamanian.” So I would ask that same question to those women boo-hoo-hooing about wanting to wed a “strong brutha.” Sure. I’m not exempt from drooling over a Morris Chestnut (circa 2007/2008 cuz I heard he went a little bit downhill :sigh:), a Will Smith, Idris Elba, or Djimon Hounsou but really does the race of your mate trump your happiness? As Chris Rock said “ brothers have been exercising their options forever. I don’t know why sisters don’t.”
I could never understand the stigma of ‘exercising one’s options.’ I often wonder if a woman will stay with a man that doesn’t fulfill all your needs just because he’s a “good black man” rather than be happy with a man who does, that isn’t black? Gimme a frickin’ break. If the guy’s handsome. He’s handsome. If he treats you like a queen. He treats you like a queen. Point blank. There shouldn’t be a stipulation on his race that prevents the match. See that’s the beauty of the world. Men come in many different colors, shades, hues, ethnicities, shapes, sizes and flavors. It’s a buffet! So those that restrict their diet to only one food group, how can they ever be satisfied?
Some people are so hung up on the superficial that they forget to see the forest for the trees. Is it more important that he has the same melanin as you or is it more important that he always keeps his word, he gives you foot massages and doesn’t mind picking up some tampons now and again when you’re doubled over from cramps. Seriously. People opt out of a good thing for dumb reasons and then when they reach that point of desperation, end up kicking themselves. Too bad no one’s there to nurse their wounds.
If your mate mentality is that narrow, then you deserve to be single. And lonely. And cold. With 5 cats. That you’re allergic too.
Related: Why you so uptight?
Related: So ‘hooking up’ is the new dating?