To be honest, you gotta live honestly

August 10, 2010 at 9:59 PM | Posted in Soapbox in the Raw | 7 Comments

“Honestly…” My journalism professor hated when anybody prefaced their statement with that word. “Were you lying to me all the other times?” he bellowed.

I used to be a pathological liar. Up until the age of 16. My parents knew every single time I lied, so I don’t know why I continued to do it. Finally, one day my mother asked me a question and I responded promptly with a lie. She sighed heavily and looked me in my eyes and said “Why do you have to lie? I know you’re lying,” she chuckled a bit, then looked back at me, “What’s the problem with telling the truth even if it’s bad we’re you’re parents, we love you so whatever it is at least tell us the truth so we can then deal with it.” I took those words to heart. I am glad to say I am no longer a pathological liar. I value honesty.

This wonderful woman, Dunni O. often calls me fearless. I remember the first time she tweeted this word to describe me, I was taken aback. I was speechless (this happens rarely). This was a loaded honor. To be called fearless means exactly what the word says. No fear. What does that mean to really live your life with no fear? You can only be fearless if you are honest. Mostly with yourself. The natural consequence is you will be honest with others. My mother told me, once you love yourself, truly love yourself and know WHO you are, nothing, NOTHING anyone says will ever hurt you. It will just roll right off your back. It starts within. Everything else are just the effects of the relationship you have with yourself. Humans are naturally their biggest and toughest critic, so if I can say to myself “whoa buddy you’re getting a little pudgy there, better hit the treadmill,” why can’t I tell a co-worker I didn’t appreciate her rude remark or tell Joe Smith where he can go after he barbarically demands my number. I love myself more than enough to be honest with myself, so that ability translates seamlessly to the environs of my life.
Continue Reading To be honest, you gotta live honestly…


An X signifies being crossed out. From my life.

February 11, 2010 at 12:09 PM | Posted in I support this, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy", Soapbox in the Raw | 3 Comments

We all have exes. Ex-boyfriends, ex-flings, ex-friends ex-acquintances. I can honestly say I have no regrets about past relationships, friendly, romantic, professional or otherwise. While I don’t believe in burning bridges I don’t believe in looking back either. I like to keep it moving in one fluid direction. I don’t think you should entirely eliminate your past from your present but there’s a reason why they are past. You have moved past them, and the situation that afforded their presence in your life. I do believe in second chances but I am slow to dole them out. Extremely slow. Especially if their exodus was on less than pleasant terms.

I had an ex try to rekindle a flame that was long extinguised. We went to lunch and he kept pressing me for information on my love life. I was slightly disgusted at his gall and laughed off his persistence. I’m no fool, I know this “friendly lunch” was going to take a turn for the worst if I entertained the bull. That’s none of your business sir and it will never be.  After lunch, we parted ways. He reached out. I rejected. I’m open to being civil, cordial, and even friendly with an ex, I am on good terms with all exes of mine, but romantic? Not at all. What for?

Continue Reading An X signifies being crossed out. From my life….

‘Madre said’…Partie Deux

February 8, 2010 at 5:53 AM | Posted in I support this, Soapbox in the Raw | 6 Comments

Editor’s Note: My mother’s words of wisdom are front and center AGAIN, as if they had anywhere else to go.

5. “Wear different coats, you don’t want to be known as ‘that girl that wears the purple jacket, that’s embarrassing.'”
My mother believes in taking pride in your appearance and keeping your wardrobe fresh. She said she hates seeing people wear the same winter coat over and over for the whole entire season. Those that do will be doomed to the aforementioned fate.

4. “Don’t ever tell someone they gained weight. Because if you noticed, they noticed.”
I gained 45 pounds during my undergrad years. Yes you read right 45. That’s a lot right? That’s sick. I lost 35 of it last year because my mother asked me to go on a diet with her. I knew I wasn’t the same sports every season skinny mini I was in high school and although my family was less that discrete in their gym suggestions, they were never cruel because if they noticed my third chin, they knew I was looking at it everyday too.

3. “We abuse you because then nothing anyone says in the world will affect you because you’ll be like “Ppsssh my mother says worse.”
My parents were tough as nails on us growing up. They took no mess and were the last to baby us. They were ruthless. I pointed this out to my mother in high school and her appropriate response was this quote. It’s totally true though, I could care less what the water cooler is saying because I endured much worse torture as a toddler.

Continue Reading ‘Madre said’…Partie Deux…

Womanhood: It ain’t all about bouncing breasts and jiggling booties

February 2, 2010 at 4:06 PM | Posted in As A Man, Don't be a Dummy, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy", Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw | 5 Comments

Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Steven Chew Jr. You can read the Chronicles of Chew here.

As a man, you are conveniently served a buffet of sexually explicit images of women on television. Just 30 minutes of music video enjoyment provides more breast and thighs than a bucket at KFC. These images in music videos, film, and magazines give any man enough to satiate a lustful sexual appetite. But is there ever a time to step back and think about how these images affect the female gender?…Um…. No… – Is the response you might get from some men in regards to the question and topic.
As men let’s face it – we all have a mother, maybe a sister, and might experience the joy of having a daughter someday, so what separates the women in our lives from the negative images of women in the media today? -Nothing.

Now, let’s really think about these images. The video hoe, the nympho, the man hungry bimbo, the ditz, the hysterical and powerless female roles in movies and television shows all were created and reinforced by the male’s sexual domination in everyday society. All of these images can have a negative influence on the way women might view themselves. Several young women, who are discovering their “womanhood” or “role in society”, might view these images and mistake them as truth or may feel they cannot transcend the images of what the media depicts them as. It is important to make a conscious effort to teach young women that they are more than these unsubstantial, vapid images and to direct them towards more positive, multi-dimensional female role models.

Continue Reading Womanhood: It ain’t all about bouncing breasts and jiggling booties…

Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks

January 20, 2010 at 8:12 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Boys! Boys! Boys!, Dash Dices, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, I have had enough, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Sad but true, Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw, UGH!, Willy Nilly, Yowzers | 10 Comments

Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28  minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.

Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?

The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.

This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.

Continue Reading Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks…

Have you ever thought…maybe…just maaaaybe…she’s just not that into you?

January 7, 2010 at 1:10 PM | Posted in Hear me ROAR!, Soapbox in the Raw | 20 Comments

10 shockers men are always surprised to find out about women. Yes, men are from Mars and women are from Venus but we all live on planet Earth and we may not be SO different.

1. We take what you say with a grain of salt

Not all of us hang onto your every word, because frankly we know most of you are full of it. The sensible women can see your game, hell! she may even have done it before herself. (or is currently doing it) Don’t convince yourself that all women play the fool because you’ll be the one played in the end.

2. Sometimes we don’t like to cuddle either

Maybe it’s fatigue, maybe it’s too hot or maybe it’s boring being intertwined staring at the ceiling while you snore your hot breathe in my face. Whatever the reason is, cuddling may not always be our first choice at one moment or another. Cuddling, when I’m in the mood is awesome but other times please keep to thaaaat side of the bed.

3. Sometimes we don’t want you there

Hey, you know those women that like to spend every waking minute with their boo and when they’re apart she’s missing him like crazy and needs to constantly talk/text/email/gchat/tweet/BBM him to keep sane? Yeaaaaa…I’m not one of those. Just because I told you that my friend is having a party does not mean I want you to come with. Unless I explicitly extend an invitation…guess what, you’re not invited. Go play x-box or whatever you people do.

4. Sometimes we check out pretty women too

Gentleman take note: Not every woman “hates.” I can’t stand that foolish idea anyway. Mature women can give credit when it is due. Don’t set pre-school minded females that constantly tear the next woman down as often as they blink as the norm. If a woman is secure in herself she can give a compliment or props to another woman just as easily as men can. So save that erroneous mantra for someone who doesn’t take what you say with a grain of salt.

5. Sometimes we’re just not that into you

*GASP* Hard to believe eh? Not really. Just because your mother told you you were handsome and that girl Melissa shared her cupcake with you in the 5th grade does not mean every woman thinks your God’s gift. Case in point; a few months back, I was seeing a wonderful guy. Tall, dark, handsome, extremely educated, funny, treated me well. He cooked for me all the time, took me out and definitely made me feel special. There was technically nothing wrong with him but after a couple months I had absolutely no desire to see him anymore and I didn’t know why. A quick analysis from my mother deemed I “was just not that into him.” Great guy….for someone else. So to the men with the swollen head, please get over yourself…because I certainly did.

6. Sometimes we have 2 boyfriends

I am by no means condoning cheating. That’s definitely not the point of this topic. I just want to make it clear, that if we don’t make it clear that we are exclusive, then we are not and I will continue to be single. sexy. and free.

7. We can kiss and keep it moving

Another shocker. Yes, I can kiss you and never answer your call or text again. Unless I show a genuine interest and I want to continue seeing you, please don’t assume I’m sprung. You were probably a bad kisser. *kanye shrug*

8. We believe in bros before hoes too

Women have friends. True blue friends are hard to come by. Yes, we all hear the horror stories of “that friend” who drops her girls whenever she gets a boo. It happens. It happens among both men and women but gentlemen please don’t be fooled into thinking all females have that weak mentality. Would I choose my best friend, the woman that sends me personalized cards for any cool occurance that ever happens in my life, over you? Absolutely.

9. Sometimes we’ll pass on the drink because you’re just not worth the hassle

Yea…we all see him coming. “That guy” saunteering his way on over, undressing us with his pervy eyes and a little bit too eager. Yea we see you my dude. And we don’t like it. It may be we’re not interested. It may be you can’t form a coherent, intelligible idea. It may be you’re short. Maybe we’re already drunk; but we will not accept a drink from you just because you offered. We can tell the price for that free drink is way too high.

10. Sometimes we just don’t wanna argue either. Geez!

We all get into little tiffs here and there. Some men think women like arguing for the sake of arguing. This may be true for those women but definitely not all women. I would rather not spend 10-20 minutes arguing about something stupid when we could be laughing at something stupid. It’s just plain exhausting. Can’t we just cuddle?

Related: Guys DON’T do this

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