“I can be bad all by myself” Yea…but why would you want to?

April 8, 2010 at 10:43 AM | Posted in Don't be a Dummy, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy" | 2 Comments

@MrPeteyWheat: It’s all fun and games until there’s no one around to help you with the stroller down those 2 flights of steps.

“I need Daddy and Daddy needs me, it’s the only way this family can work.” -Madre

I can be bad all by myself. I take issue with that statement. I have a problem with it. We now live in a society where it is a constant battle of the sexes. It is an eternal back and forth between men and women on who needs the other less. I don’t need a man for this; I don’t need a woman for that. Truth is. Yes you do. I need people to understand men and women are different. We were created that way purposely. No one inferior than the other. Ying and yang. Harmony. Balance. We are equally important but NOT the same. (And to this end, double-standards will remain, but that’s another post for another time)

Humankind cannot survive without the womb and a woman’s womb cannot create without the man. By simple biology men and women need each other, so what makes any other aspect of life exempt from this idea?

Continue Reading “I can be bad all by myself” Yea…but why would you want to?…


“I could’ve married any one of my boyfriends”

March 17, 2010 at 3:18 PM | Posted in Don't be a Dummy, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy" | 2 Comments

Yup… this was the response that shattered my deluded happily ever after picture of a soul-mate at the tender age of 15 years old.

My mother is da bomb ruthless.

I asked her one day on the way to the bus stop, grinning from ear to ear, “So how’d you know Daddy was “the one”? :head tilt, glossy eyes:

My mother responds by scrunching her face and shrugging. “I could’ve married any one of my boyfriends.”

Me: *Gasp!* :heart stops: You harlot!

Mother: Well, I mean all my boyfriends were great but Daddy had the same goals and vision that I did. Daddy’s great too though.

Me: You harlot!
Continue Reading “I could’ve married any one of my boyfriends”…

An X signifies being crossed out. From my life.

February 11, 2010 at 12:09 PM | Posted in I support this, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy", Soapbox in the Raw | 3 Comments

We all have exes. Ex-boyfriends, ex-flings, ex-friends ex-acquintances. I can honestly say I have no regrets about past relationships, friendly, romantic, professional or otherwise. While I don’t believe in burning bridges I don’t believe in looking back either. I like to keep it moving in one fluid direction. I don’t think you should entirely eliminate your past from your present but there’s a reason why they are past. You have moved past them, and the situation that afforded their presence in your life. I do believe in second chances but I am slow to dole them out. Extremely slow. Especially if their exodus was on less than pleasant terms.

I had an ex try to rekindle a flame that was long extinguised. We went to lunch and he kept pressing me for information on my love life. I was slightly disgusted at his gall and laughed off his persistence. I’m no fool, I know this “friendly lunch” was going to take a turn for the worst if I entertained the bull. That’s none of your business sir and it will never be.  After lunch, we parted ways. He reached out. I rejected. I’m open to being civil, cordial, and even friendly with an ex, I am on good terms with all exes of mine, but romantic? Not at all. What for?

Continue Reading An X signifies being crossed out. From my life….

Womanhood: It ain’t all about bouncing breasts and jiggling booties

February 2, 2010 at 4:06 PM | Posted in As A Man, Don't be a Dummy, Please don't be "that girl", Please don't be "that guy", Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw | 5 Comments

Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Steven Chew Jr. You can read the Chronicles of Chew here.

As a man, you are conveniently served a buffet of sexually explicit images of women on television. Just 30 minutes of music video enjoyment provides more breast and thighs than a bucket at KFC. These images in music videos, film, and magazines give any man enough to satiate a lustful sexual appetite. But is there ever a time to step back and think about how these images affect the female gender?…Um…. No… – Is the response you might get from some men in regards to the question and topic.
As men let’s face it – we all have a mother, maybe a sister, and might experience the joy of having a daughter someday, so what separates the women in our lives from the negative images of women in the media today? -Nothing.

Now, let’s really think about these images. The video hoe, the nympho, the man hungry bimbo, the ditz, the hysterical and powerless female roles in movies and television shows all were created and reinforced by the male’s sexual domination in everyday society. All of these images can have a negative influence on the way women might view themselves. Several young women, who are discovering their “womanhood” or “role in society”, might view these images and mistake them as truth or may feel they cannot transcend the images of what the media depicts them as. It is important to make a conscious effort to teach young women that they are more than these unsubstantial, vapid images and to direct them towards more positive, multi-dimensional female role models.

Continue Reading Womanhood: It ain’t all about bouncing breasts and jiggling booties…

Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks

January 20, 2010 at 8:12 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Boys! Boys! Boys!, Dash Dices, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, I have had enough, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Sad but true, Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw, UGH!, Willy Nilly, Yowzers | 10 Comments

Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28  minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.

Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?

The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.

This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.

Continue Reading Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks…

Black woman why art thou so angry?

January 15, 2010 at 7:44 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, Higher Definition, I have had enough, Please don't be "that girl", Seriously? | 5 Comments

Editor’s note: I had a revelation today.

I hop on the M4, on my way home today. It’s Friday, feeling good and looking forward to a weekend of fundraising and helping in relief efforts. I maneuver my way through the afternoon crowd on the bus to the middle of the bus find a seat, plop down and grab my book out of my bag. As soon as the book hit my lap I hear a an angry voice scream, ” CAN YOU TAKE YOUR BAG HANDLE OUT OF MY BACK!!!!!” Extremely nasty, and extremely unwarranted. I had no clue my bag handle decided to beat the hell out of her. It was honestly unbeknownst to me that any part of my bag was even touching her, but clearly this bag assault seemed to have ruined her life from the sounds of it. So I obliged this lady but I was absolutely incredulous. As a woman and citizen of the world I had to let the screecher know her attitude was uncalled for. In my most even-toned voice I retorted, “Well you didn’t have to be so rude about it.” I then cracked open my book and instantly became engrossed as she turned around and screeched, “EXCUSE ME, WHAT DID YOU SAY???, WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU SAID I’M RUDE? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAD YOUR PURSE IN MY BACK, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT RUDE IS.” She turned to the person sitting to her, who didn’t even bat an eye at her, for support to continue her diatribe. ‘CAN YOU BELIEVE HER??? WHAT…BLAH BLAH BLAH..” for literally, 3 minutes on a crowded bus of people. I wanted no parts of her insidious rant so I remained engrossed in my book and let her show just how crazy she was by yelling at no one. At least no one that was interested in entertaining her childish foolishness.

When I got off the bus I wondered, why the anger, lady? Why was her initial response rancor? Why did she feel compelled to talk to another human being with such venom? A simple, “Your bag is in my back,” would have done the trick. I didn’t know her from a ham sandwich. Did she think I had a personal vendetta against ladies that wear furry hats and glasses and the only way to satisfy this need for blood was to go around on buses jabbing people in the back with my purse handle? Why is it in a city as huge and as crowded as New York, you think you would be exempt from having another person’s property touch you? I’ve seen people fall asleep on subway on the shoulder of the person they’re sitting next to. I didn’t see that unlucky person lash out in the same manner as this lady did. Apparently being assaulted by a purse warranted such a brute reaction. Why would she debase herself and look like a raving lunatic on a bus full of people? Was it worth it? Did it require all of that?

My response is no. Her response would probably be a resounding screech of YES!!! My father’s response was “poor thing.” I paused. “Huh?” He said “She doesn’t know any better.” I thought that was a valid point, but don’t we learn how to speak to others in uh…kindergarten? As aforementioned, her ravings were to no avail because my book was way more important than some crazy lady on the bus. But it sincerely breaks my heart that people like her are the representation for people that look like me. The good, is seldom remembered as much as the bad. So as super-human as Michelle Obama is, the crazy lady in the furry hat screaming on the bus is what people are going to think of when they see my brown face.

Related: Why Didn’t he call me back? Because you’re a f*****g psycho that’s why!
Related: Single Black Female please sit all the way down forever. Thanks

Best Advice: Don’t take him seriously…until you do.

January 12, 2010 at 6:34 PM | Posted in Boys! Boys! Boys!, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl" | 12 Comments

Let me explain that. I was having a convo via text message with my good friend Nita. I was inviting her to an amazing hip hop event this week in the city. She’s feeling a little under the weather so I wasn’t sure if she would be up to it.

She wrote “…oooh I really want to see some bboys and they’d probably b there too.” I read the text too fast and thought she wrote ‘boys’ and not ‘B-Boys’ as she wrote. So to motivate her to health I texted back “boys boys boys”

She was confused and I wrote “haha I thought you meant boys cuz that’s what I wanna see! haha.”
Nita: Boys make my head hurt 😦
Dash: They’re fun to play with!
Nita:Meh i guess

The thing is boys ARE fun! They’re fun to hang out with, they’re fun to date, they’re fun to make fun of, they’re fun to torture. They’re pretty much fun in any situation. I love boys! The funny thing is I’ve never been boy-crazy. I was a tom-boy for a large part of my life and under the 6 inch stilettos and MAC eyeshadow I can still scrap with the best of them. I have sent many a male suitor into the fetal position at my playful punches. I think the biggest reason women say boys cause headaches is because they actually take them for more than the joke they are. Stop taking these clowns seriously! Period.

I’m not saying to go around calling and believing every guy is an idiot (although that would help) but my best advice to women is do not take a boy seriously until it becomes natural to do so. To elaborate, keep everything light. Don’t be so uptight. Things women get upset about usually rolls right off a guy’s back. We should learn to do the same. To achieve all the goals I noted in my “Don’t Be Psycho,” it is important to stop taking boys and yourself so damn seriously! Life is short. Boys are fun. Play with them. Now, being able to play AND take him seriously, is what separates the men from the boys. So until then…as Lady Gaga said: “Boys! Boys! Boys! We love them, We love them!!” Couldn’t agree more.

Related: Why didn’t he call me back? Because you’re a f*****g psycho that’s why!

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