Stop letting things get to you

November 22, 2010 at 12:28 PM | Posted in Abs Fab, I have had enough, I support this | 17 Comments

A few practices that I have incorporated into my life to retain peace, and sanity when navigating life amongst annoying human beings.

Stop taking things personal
Not everything is an attack on you. Sometimes the situation that you’re getting upset about actually may have absolutely nothing to do with you. When you stop thinking it’s about you, it’s easier to put things in perspective.

Stop taking things so seriously
Have a sense of humor. Being uptight only hurts you. As with not taking things personal, stop.

Stop engaging
Someone makes a snooty remark? Someone trying to start a fight at the club? Someone calling you at the very time you told them NOT to call. Choose to not engage. Don’t respond. Don’t answer the phone. You can do so much more by doing nothing at all. Most times it’s not worth your time, cool or your sanity to respond to every comment, call, or challenge.

Stop letting others actions dictate yours
My mother gave me this sound advice one day when we went to grab some lunch. The lady at the counter had a nasty attitude but my mother is forever friendly and has a tremendous sense of humor so she was very pleasant and smiley with the lady and my mother and I chatted and laughed with each other while waiting for our food. The counter lady seemed thoroughly annoyed but softened a little. When we went to sit, I whispered that the lady had such a bad attitude and my mother said “so what? that has nothing to do with me, you see she started laughing at our jokes at the end. Her attitude didn’t change mine.” On a different occasion she told me how to she deals with insufferable co-workers.  “Don’t worry about those people. They still have to live with themselves. They’re the ones that go home and cry themselves to sleep. Or the less radical,  “If someone is being nasty to you, you should be sweet, as sweet as sugar and then they will instantly recognize how crazy they are being.”

Stop entertaining
It always boggles my mind why folks allow themselves to become part of drama. Some women constantly complain about how this clown is ALWAYS calling and texting and what have you. My question always is, well why do you even respond? I know there are the relentlessness ones that never seem to let up but unless they are true stalkers, they will eventually give up. There are ways to block. There are ways to clearly state leave me the hell alone.  I’ve done it and it works. If you like the drama, which is what I suspect is the case for many women who complain but still entertain, then that’s your business and I WON’T entertain your gripes.

Stop holding things in
Can we make a pact to stop internalizing? Really, this habit of bringing up that time in fourth grade when I ate your pudding without asking is so lame. If something is legitimately bothering you, say something. I say legitimately because it is important to not be trivial over well, trivial stuff. If your friend legitimately hurt your feelings with an off-handed comment she made, tell her. If the waitress made your meal unpleasant, tell the manager (as my good friend did at brunch yesterday, they thanked her profusely for speaking up instead of suffering in silence) The sooner you let it be known what is upsetting you, the sooner you can sort it out, let it go and get on with your life.

Stop tallying faults
This goes along with not holding things in. Let it go. Forgive and let live. Once someone apologizes or a situation is resolved, move on and move forward. Stop keeping count of do-wrongs and encourage do-rights.

Stop believing everyone is you
Everyone is different. Not everyone is going to do things one way or the way you would do it. We as humans of have a natural bias to judge others based on what we would do but you can’t expect to do that and live a balanced life. It’s unhealthy to practice this. Breathe in compassion and breathe out judgment.

Stop looking at the picture only one way
Try to look at the other side of the coin. There are two sides to every story and it’s better to remain objective in a lot of situations. Granted, we have our own unique opinions on certain topics but it is also important to take other perspectives into consideration.

Stop trying to control others
The only actions you have control over is your own. Just your own. Recite and repeat.



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  1. This could not have come at a better time. I’ve recently adopted this way of thinking. It’s just not worth it to let the small stuff bring you down.

  2. i really enjoyed this post, I’m trying to get to this point in life now (not allowing the little things to bother me)

  3. Love this…

    You know that I have a bit of a temper issue…I am learning to remind myself to BREATHE before reacting amongst other things…

  4. Definitely diggin this post!! We have to become self-aware more than ever in this world to have some kind of piece of mind. Positive Thoughts equal positive reactions in the long run

  5. YES! Definitely breathing before reacting helps quell a potential situation. Remember ‘Anger’ is only one letter away from ‘Danger’!! And def. agree all of this comes with being self-aware and growing as an individual. You come to find all the “little things” just ain’t worth your sanity!

    • have enjoyed reading posts on here and so needed to! you are so right on the fact anger leading to danger as i seem to be so angry in a relationship at the moment that i’ve started to become a little paranoid…..when there probably is nothing there…..hence pushing him away!

  6. This blog goes right with the book I’m reading name “In the meantime”. Great self growth comes from truely and honestly being aware of yourself so you can let go sooner.

  7. […] 3. Don’t let other’s negativity change who you are Be who you are despite other people’s attitudes. […]

  8. Thanks for this article. Im in Japan studying at the moment, and I love the people, but there are always bad eggs in every place. There is this girl with a nasty hateful look on her face all the time, and the one time I asked her something, she was extremely rude. I was silly for letting someone unimportant like this bother me, and I will save your article. Now, I just pity her and will continue to be happy and not let this bitter person come between me and my real friends and my learning.

  9. Very nice work. I needed this 🙂 Thanks!

  10. Thanks do much for posting this! I really needed something like your article! Awesome! You are a blessing!

  11. Love this post! I’ve been letting negative people inside my positive world for a while now and it is has been bringing me down. I need to find my happy place again and this post reminds me of where I once was. thank you.

  12. Hello sometimes these strategies don’t work sometimes you need to show some people your lawyer if they are harassing you take legal action, some people are really unhappy with their lives what do you do when you are being the bigger and better person then the other person responds by saying you think you’re better then everyone then what do you do take legal action.

  13. Love! I really did need this 🙂 Thanks so much! I’m saving this article haha

  14. Good thinking:)

  15. My friend was having a bad day in which I was aware. She shared information with a group of us. We all asked a few questions and she answered. My last question did not seem like it was answered (I don’t read between the lines of answers very well…I like things that are black or white). She got an attitude with me and made a rude comment and then called me a name (not a bad name, but it just didn’t have a positive connotation in the context that she was using it). It hurt my feelings because she made me feel undervalued as a friend as it has been a week and she has not reached out to me once even though she was the one that was wrong in this situation. We have been friends for years and have ups and downs like any relationship does, but situations like this continue to make me feel undervalued and like our friendship does not matter to her. I’ve talked to a mutual girlfriend about this and she thinks I deserve an apology but suggested I just let it go. I would like to because I don’t plan on reaching out to my friend because I think it’s unfair and not my responsibility as I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like this situation will eventually straighten out, but it sucks that we probably won’t speak until we see each other again…please help me to let this go! I over analyze and over think things…this has always been a fault of mine…PLEASE HELP! Any suggestions would be great 🙂

  16. What if you are being harassed, bullied and abused by police and firemen, as well as neighbors, social workers, landlords, DMV. HUD, postal workers, etc as in the form of organized bullying called gangstalking? When the neighbors block your driveway with their vehicle and not let you out of your driveway and threaten to beat up your 95 year old friend for just wanting to put a fence up between your properties and they move your survey stakes and then the cops and judge stick up for them and say they didn’t move them? How do you win in situations like this? And this goes on for a person’s entire life, all through school, all through your working years, wherever you go, to dances, to dinners, just everywhere you go, shopping, they park so close to your car you can’t get the door open to get back in your car, etc, and they smear cold cream on your car windows, throw nails in your driveway, throw dead rats and mice all over your yard, etc. This just never ends. What are we supposed to do then?

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