Stop letting things get to you

November 22, 2010 at 12:28 PM | Posted in Abs Fab, I have had enough, I support this | 17 Comments

A few practices that I have incorporated into my life to retain peace, and sanity when navigating life amongst annoying human beings.

Stop taking things personal
Not everything is an attack on you. Sometimes the situation that you’re getting upset about actually may have absolutely nothing to do with you. When you stop thinking it’s about you, it’s easier to put things in perspective.

Stop taking things so seriously
Have a sense of humor. Being uptight only hurts you. As with not taking things personal, stop.

Stop engaging
Someone makes a snooty remark? Someone trying to start a fight at the club? Someone calling you at the very time you told them NOT to call. Choose to not engage. Don’t respond. Don’t answer the phone. You can do so much more by doing nothing at all. Most times it’s not worth your time, cool or your sanity to respond to every comment, call, or challenge.

Continue Reading Stop letting things get to you…

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Guys, please stop harassing women

August 3, 2010 at 11:08 AM | Posted in Boys! Boys! Boys!, Don't be a Dummy, I have had enough, Love, Dating & Relationships | 8 Comments

I can be unreasonable at times, I freely and generously admit that, especially when it comes to men approaching women on the street. I would rather it never happen but I don’t expect everyone to  be a genius think like me, but if you do decide to cross that line, tread carefully, men. Very, very carefully.

If you want to “get to know her”….It is your responsibility to make her feel as comfortable as humanely possible. YES, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
In the words of Phaedra Starling: “…The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted…So when you,a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself:Will this man rape me? Do you think I’m overreacting?” Bottom line. She doesn’t want to get raped. You don’t want to get maced. I personally would choose, the latter but as a woman I am forced to deal with the plausibility of the former.

Consider the time, place, and your actions.
Approaching a woman after hours on a dark street is not conducive to an easy number exchange. Some may ask well why is a woman even on the streets at these hours. Fair enough. But I don’t think having an X chromosome warrants a 9pm curfew. It’s unreasonable and downright sexist to suggest women should feel terror-stricken if she has to leave her home after it’s dark. I digress. Consider the time. Night time near an alleyway? Just keep it moving, I am telling you right now it’s not going to happen. While she’s on the phone? No sane woman will end her phone call to speak to a strange man who is commanding she tend to his needs and not her business. This is just ludicrous.

Expect her to reciprocate what you’re doling out.
You come at her crazy, expect an equal or greater crazy response. My bet’s on crazier.

She doesn’t have to say one blasted word to you
You. Are. A. Stranger. Repeat. Meditate on that phrase. We learned in kindergarten, to not speak to strangers and this still applies to a certain extent even into adulthood. Why does she have to speak to you just because you spoke to her? Human decency? Sure. But it’s her prerogative.

Talk to her not AT her.
There is a MAJOR difference between these two.

NO can never mean yes
She rolls her eyes. She doesn’t respond. She walks faster. Let it go. You win some, but you just lost one. Keep it moving. There is no reason to give chase, because…
Continue Reading Guys, please stop harassing women…

A Word to the Wise: “…cuz blk ppl like to do that…”

February 26, 2010 at 10:47 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, Higher Definition, I have had enough | 3 Comments

Editor’s Note: My friend was on facebook and found this little gem of perspective and enlightenment…

Result: 1 boy
you will have one boy and you will call him joshua.He will enter the olympics as swimming,he loves music and makes his own songs,he is a loving boy and you should be proud..

Matt LaBella

Matt

sooo whys thur a picture of soulja boy .. lol
19 minutes ago

Lauren Moser

Lauren

I wasn’t told I was taking a quiz to see how many black babies I would have…
11 minutes ago

Continue Reading A Word to the Wise: “…cuz blk ppl like to do that…”…

Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks

January 20, 2010 at 8:12 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Boys! Boys! Boys!, Dash Dices, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, I have had enough, Love, Dating & Relationships, Please don't be "that girl", Sad but true, Seriously?, Soapbox in the Raw, UGH!, Willy Nilly, Yowzers | 10 Comments

Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28  minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.

Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?

The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.

This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.

Continue Reading Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks…

Black woman why art thou so angry?

January 15, 2010 at 7:44 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Don't be a Dummy, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, Higher Definition, I have had enough, Please don't be "that girl", Seriously? | 5 Comments

Editor’s note: I had a revelation today.

I hop on the M4, on my way home today. It’s Friday, feeling good and looking forward to a weekend of fundraising and helping in relief efforts. I maneuver my way through the afternoon crowd on the bus to the middle of the bus find a seat, plop down and grab my book out of my bag. As soon as the book hit my lap I hear a an angry voice scream, ” CAN YOU TAKE YOUR BAG HANDLE OUT OF MY BACK!!!!!” Extremely nasty, and extremely unwarranted. I had no clue my bag handle decided to beat the hell out of her. It was honestly unbeknownst to me that any part of my bag was even touching her, but clearly this bag assault seemed to have ruined her life from the sounds of it. So I obliged this lady but I was absolutely incredulous. As a woman and citizen of the world I had to let the screecher know her attitude was uncalled for. In my most even-toned voice I retorted, “Well you didn’t have to be so rude about it.” I then cracked open my book and instantly became engrossed as she turned around and screeched, “EXCUSE ME, WHAT DID YOU SAY???, WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU SAID I’M RUDE? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAD YOUR PURSE IN MY BACK, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT RUDE IS.” She turned to the person sitting to her, who didn’t even bat an eye at her, for support to continue her diatribe. ‘CAN YOU BELIEVE HER??? WHAT…BLAH BLAH BLAH..” for literally, 3 minutes on a crowded bus of people. I wanted no parts of her insidious rant so I remained engrossed in my book and let her show just how crazy she was by yelling at no one. At least no one that was interested in entertaining her childish foolishness.

When I got off the bus I wondered, why the anger, lady? Why was her initial response rancor? Why did she feel compelled to talk to another human being with such venom? A simple, “Your bag is in my back,” would have done the trick. I didn’t know her from a ham sandwich. Did she think I had a personal vendetta against ladies that wear furry hats and glasses and the only way to satisfy this need for blood was to go around on buses jabbing people in the back with my purse handle? Why is it in a city as huge and as crowded as New York, you think you would be exempt from having another person’s property touch you? I’ve seen people fall asleep on subway on the shoulder of the person they’re sitting next to. I didn’t see that unlucky person lash out in the same manner as this lady did. Apparently being assaulted by a purse warranted such a brute reaction. Why would she debase herself and look like a raving lunatic on a bus full of people? Was it worth it? Did it require all of that?

My response is no. Her response would probably be a resounding screech of YES!!! My father’s response was “poor thing.” I paused. “Huh?” He said “She doesn’t know any better.” I thought that was a valid point, but don’t we learn how to speak to others in uh…kindergarten? As aforementioned, her ravings were to no avail because my book was way more important than some crazy lady on the bus. But it sincerely breaks my heart that people like her are the representation for people that look like me. The good, is seldom remembered as much as the bad. So as super-human as Michelle Obama is, the crazy lady in the furry hat screaming on the bus is what people are going to think of when they see my brown face.

Related: Why Didn’t he call me back? Because you’re a f*****g psycho that’s why!
Related: Single Black Female please sit all the way down forever. Thanks

Why are you single? Uh cuz I’d rather eat raw cookie dough. Duh.

December 10, 2009 at 1:53 PM | Posted in A little bit o' Mich & a Dash, Ah C'mon!, Gimme a frickin break!, Hear me ROAR!, I have had enough, Seriously?, UGH! | 15 Comments

I’m 23. I’m young. All my co-workers call me a kid. They have kids older than me. Some of their hairstyles are older than me. I’m fine with that. Like my co-worker, Dino said, stay a kid as long as possible. Goo goo ga ga. I have no qualms about my youth. I love it. I revel in it. I’m not going to waste it.

I am also single. I’m single and I like it. My mother encourages me to stay this way. My father’s ecstatic at this choice. I don’t think I have to “explain” why I’m single. It’s not a condition, it’s not a sickness. My declaration of that choice shouldn’t be met with a head tilted look of pity and a drawn out “AwwWWWwwwwww.” Save it d-bag.

Is it a requirement to have a significant other? Frankly, I’m way more happy flying solo. I come and go as I please. I don’t have to report to anyone. I don’t have to invite “him” to the movie I would rather see by myself. And if my room is messy, the only person that sees it is me.

I don’t need another commitment in my life at this point. I’m post grad. I’m still coming to terms that my first born is indebted to Sallie Mae. I’m almost a year into my career and my time and energy is better suited for avoiding office gossip, plotting my moves for world domination, gallivanting about town in that ca-yute dress, trading clothes with my hot mother, BBM-ing and tweeting the hell out of my friends, eating raw cookie dough, and frequent early car discussions on the plight and resolutions of minorities in America. Thanks Daddy!

I don’t feel the pressure to get a boyfriend. Much less getting married. Sure I date. I date a lot. @Tdotcarter1 calls me “United Nations” I like ‘em all.  However, I don’t feel compelled to be in a relationship. There’s absolutely nothing appealing about it. It comes with obligations that I’d just rather not have. Especially in the midst of giving one liver to Sallie Mae and my right lung to my progressing career. I have priorities that take precedent over “brunch with the boy.”  It’ll infringe on my raw cooking dough eating or on any one or combination of the aforementioned joys of my life.

I get annoyed easily. My best friend does too. She gets me. The rest of my friends get me. My family gets me, and I get all the love, understading and abuse I can handle from these people. An ole ball and chain is excessive. I don’t have the patience to help a man “get me.” I’m not ready for that. Hell HE’S not ready for that.

What I am NOT ready for is this marriage psycho babble I keep hearing from my own friends and followers. Why do women feel so much pressure to get married as soon as they reach legal drinking age? From what I see, men get married in their 30’s 40’s 50’s or never. And ask them if they give two hells about it. Why has this stigma of being old maid scared women shitless into a bedlam to wed when men can simply be a “bachelor” their whole lives? Give me a break. It’s enough already. Women, live your life, happily and completely and forget about timing. If you so happen to find your mate at 25, well, rock on with your bad self. I support it. But what’s wrong with getting married older?

I know, I know, childbirth has more complications after age 35. That’s a weak argument. Women have children well into their 40’s these days. Ok, so you don’t want to be “old” while raising kids. Another weak argument. If you take your health seriously, it doesn’t matter if you’re 60 at Johnny’s high school graduation. So then what are the reasons women feel they want or must be married by their late 20’s? I have yet to hear a good one. Well I guess if you’re aspiring career is “housewife.” You win.

I support living one’s life and doing what you want and being selfish until you are ready to make that commitment to a husband and then eventually kids. Personally, I want to flourish in my career, open a couple businesses, help some people, get an ice cream flavor named after me and travel the world before I get a ring put on it.  I’m having way too much fun right now. Errrr not that you can’t have fun with a husband…:blink blink:

If you are not whole before you become one with another individual…guess what, you will still be incomplete and for those that are complete and are on the desperate search for “the one.” Please stop. It’s pathetic. I’m sorry, this is my opinion. Haste makes waste. #yougottachill. There shouldn’t be a deadline on forever. Yes, marriage is forever.

Marriage is a life-long commitment and I think a lot of people forget that. Marriage is with another person. You are responsible for another human being’s heart. That’s a colossal responsibility, with negative and positive ramifications depending on you handle that responsibility. I’m not there yet. I still say goo-goo ga ga.

Race still plays a major role in hiring process…well duh!

December 7, 2009 at 5:09 PM | Posted in I have had enough, Sad but true, UGH! | Leave a comment

Any person of color could have told you that one. We live it everyday. They can also tell you that they get followed around while at stores and get a side-eye when they’re the only color in a room or at a conference or at a… But the post-Obama America inserts fingers into ears and says racism is gone because hey look, we chose the black guy! The “race card” isn’t an excuse, it is a reality for those who are striving to transcend racial boundaries and inequities. And even for the everyday “Jamal.” So education can’t even be the “great equalizer.” Something’s gotta give.

From nytimes.com: In Job Hunt, College Degree Can’t Close Racial Gap

Should the rich & famous even bother getting married?

December 7, 2009 at 2:45 PM | Posted in I have had enough, Seriously?, Yowzers | 1 Comment

Just askin’… Is it worth it in the end?

Call Girls vs. Mistresses

I have had enough. Next.

Chris Brown’s Revenge!

December 4, 2009 at 11:28 AM | Posted in Gimme a frickin break!, I have had enough, Over it | Leave a comment

In the words of my dear friend, S. Chew : “Aint buyin it Breezy!- Don’t look like you’re “devastated” & “hurting” to me…SMH.” He said it. Not me. :blink blink:
Wonder if the “other woman” will be interviewed in the coming weeks. Just asking. It’s only fair right?

Ummm sir why are you STILL talking…?

December 3, 2009 at 5:55 PM | Posted in Ah C'mon!, Gimme a frickin break!, I can't, I have had enough, Seriously? | 1 Comment

So you’re walking down the street, minding your own biz, bopping to your ipod, jamming down in your head and then a crazed looney aka-man accosts you looking all kinds of deranged, or maybe not even deranged but the fact remains he accosted you. He immediately starts talking and expects an answer to his inaudible but most of the time unintelligible question. I do the polite thing and say nothing, continue bopping on down the road. He continues to talk, now getting progressively louder. You are now way ahead of him. He is now shouting. You are now a block away. He is now spewing profanity. Does this bother you? Yea I didn’t think so. Me either, this Lady Gaga track is fi-yah!

But please sir for future reference, my silence is your cue to shut the hell up! You have now embarrassed yourself by talking to no one. Seek help.

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