Ladies, you have ‘The Treasure’ so what’s the problem?

November 9, 2010 at 7:30 PM | Posted in Boys! Boys! Boys!, Don't be a Dummy, Love, Dating & Relationships | 27 Comments

I found ’em y’all! Yup! I found the culprits! I caught ’em! I caught ’em in action! I ran out of the store and into Beeb’s car. He was cracking up. “What’s so funny?” I asked. He pointed at a group of men on the corner. “Them. They’re posted up hollering at every girl that goes by.” We spent the next five minutes parked watching them in action, uproariously laughing and pointing with the window open. If you know me, I have an unapologetically loud laugh. Some of the men saw what we were doing and were shamed into leaving. Others remained to try their luck because they knew just one woman had to respond to their advances. That one woman who let some men think it’s acceptable to “pssssttt” at me on the street. The ones who oblige the demands for a number after the “psssssst.” The ones who engaged in the drama and entertained his calls and left me to ignore him when I lost his number after I said I would and oh yea the ones who cleared their schedule every time he wanted to “chill,” I’m appalled at your behavior. It’s all your fault!

Speaking of chill, going to your home to watch a movie is not a date. No. It’s not. Thanks to you, this fool over here certainly thinks it does. His taken aback look explains it all. You women have agreed to this “date request” and it has worked very well for him over these few years. ‘Til now. Sir, please call me back when you have come up with acceptable date plans. He never called back. He found someone who accepted his original one. So it continues. I’m looking at the woman who doesn’t recognize her worth and settles for the lowest common denominator when she needn’t. Why? Because she has something. The Treasure.

You don’t know what The Treasure is? Well, as my friend @AamiraGarba ‘s husband explains, the way he sees it, he’s absolutely clueless why ANY woman puts up with ANY nonsense  from the male populous. Why do it? he asks. “You guys have The Treasure and every man wants The Treasure.” Women set the tempo and the guys follow suit. He added “And The Treasure is you know, down there.” He says, “Women need to understand that and if all of them did, men would have no choice but to shape up.” He credits his own shaping up to his wonderful wife, @AamiraGarba because as she says it “He KNEW he wasn’t getting no treasure.”

I heartily agree and I was taught this concept at a very young age when my strict father found out about my secret boyfriend when I was 14. My secret boyfriend called the house and my father picked up. After what seemed like the final dress rehearsal before the second coming of Christ when all the world will be destroyed in a moment of rapture, and my father’s blood temperature came down to a healthy level, he said “you know all guys just want sex right? That’s all they want.” His voice cracked a little, if I remember correctly. I nodded silently. You know why? Because I believed him. I believe him 10 years later and I’m telling you, he’s right. They want The Treasure. Any guy who jumps up enraged at that is lying. That man is a lie. Plain and simple. Your winning personality is as captivating as your penchant for crochetting holiday scarves for your doll collection I am sure, but the guy who hits on you was captivated first by the swing of you hips before he even begins to know just how much of a psycho amazing you really are. Now I’m not telling women to measure their full worth based on what’s between your legs but more to recognize what you’re working with in addition to your other virtues. Recognize your leverage.

So to the women who let this guy think it’s ok to ask me to let him into my house because he wants me to cook for him on our second date so “a brother can save some money.” Thanks a bunch. (He thinks I’m gonna do what on our what? You must be out of your mind.) Now I have to be the bearer of bad news and tell him to go kick rocks while playing in traffic. Now I’m the bad guy. Great. I’m the horrid soul for thinking that this man should prove to me that he is worthy of me slaving over a hot open stove. Yea worthy of. Because frankly fellas, you deemed me worthy of a first date when you stepped to me and asked me for one. Didn’t you? Well if you beg to differ, maybe you should be a bit more selective on who you choose date and mate with. #shotsfired. And that goes for both men and women. Be a bit more selective in the dating game. Then I won’t have to hear the psychobabble about both sexes being a no good piece of this and that and I can’t stand you women/men and I should just end it all. It’s not cute anymore. Ladies, don’t beg to be loved. I know Beyonce brainwashed you, but please stop. I’m begging you.

Now I understand, some men are just scummy by nature just as some are chivalrous by nature but this is no excuse to allow just anything to fly. It’s about what you do and don’t find acceptable. Set boundaries. Set the ground rules. Communicate them very clearly. Stand strong in who you are. If he can’t get with it, boy bye, there is someone who will. I guarantee it. Don’t be afraid. (You have The Treasure) I think some women think if the man is halfway decent they’ll never find one that is 3/4 decent so they better hang on to this one or they’ll be alone. That is wrong. There’s someone for everyone.

Every woman is different. Every woman’s threshold for nonsense is different. Mine’s just so happens to be zilch. Another woman’s may be 5. I get that, but there’s an understood line among reasonable people (I am factoring out the women with the laundry list of unreasonable requirements) and too many women have let some men cross it, trample it, set up an x-box on it then piss on it.

My friends joke that they don’t like to complain to me about their boos because they always know what I’m going to say. Dump him. Yea that’s always my initial outburst, but when we get to the crux of the issue I only endorse that advice when the guy you’re dating is a hassle. I know relationships take work but if you feel hassled to do any of it…Dump him.

What’s that I hear? He consistently NEVER keeps his word? Like not even once. And you’re 4 years in? I don’t know what to tell you. There were signs he was going to be a hassle early on and you know it. You chose to ignore it. You didn’t lay out what is and not acceptable. Now after he dumps YOU for being too needy he’s cursing reasonable women as stuck up witches. Why? Because you forgot you had The Treasure. Ladies, if men can remember we have it, amongst forgetting that your first kiss was under the hickory tree on 24th and 5th and the moon was half because the aurora lights reflected it to be pink and how DARE he forget that! THE JERK! We should too. And sure start acting like it. If not for your own sake. Lawd please for MY SAKE (and other reasonable women) I’m tired of pointing and laughing at these clowns! (no I’m not. yes I am. no I’m not)



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  1. i agree, i agree, i agree. people (guys) will only go as far as you let them.

  2. amen 2 ur entire post! however, the issue is that so many women don’t realize how valuable The Treasure is. & in a desperate attempt 4 any form of attention, 2 feel desired/wanted, they quickly pawn The Treasure 2 the very men u were describing @ the beginning of ur post.

    we MUST learn the true value of The Treasure, that way we don’t sell ourselves short! ^__^

    • They’re just squandering the treasure in the streets!! just SQUANDERING! *sigh*

  3. …I agree with you for the most part.. I think what makes you have this understanding is because of the conversation with your dad. But there are so many other young girls that don’t have fathers, whose fathers have protected them their whole life and break out in college, fathers that just don’t have that conversation.

    • Ok so what’s the least part you don’t agree with? LOL It’s an open forum here I wanna hear diff. perspectives. And YES the father factor plays a MAJOR role in this philosophy but as a woman, I’m giving this PSA to those who didn’t have a daddy to tell them. And as women we need to have this conversation with each other. Men can join as well. It’s all valuable.

  4. I completely agree! Once you understand your worth, whether you’re a man or a woman, you escape a lot of unnecessary grief! The problem, I’ve realized is that many of us had no one to define that treasure. My grandmother told me to hold on to the treasure long after I had given it up. I had to learn its worth by dealing with worthless people, sad to say. Regardless of when you find out how much your treasure is worth, what matters is that you find out and ACT ACCORDINGLY. Great post Dash!

  5. LOVE–LOVE–LOVE this post!

    First thing, what do you say to the men who say they need to know if a woman likes them first before they spend money on them? (dont say phone conversation) There are a lot of men out there who say some girls just want to date for a free meal, so why not choose them out in a quiet movie date.

    Secondly, do we actually know someone who has A MAN that is not holding their treasure? I mean, some women do care more about being with someone than their own treasure. Some men marry cause of the nani, so what’s a girl to think if she doesn’t give it up?

    Personally, I blame movies on my single life because I do expect more from men I’m attracted to. It never goes my way, hence I see you and I in the same boat sometimes. But anyway, what do you say??

  6. If a man likes you he’ll take you on a date. Simple. If a man says this foolishness “I need to know she likes me before I spend money on her,” ROFL HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU!! Men approach because of interest they are trying to sway you to like them so how can the “like” come before the “date” it makes no sense. And no man marries BECAUSE of The Treasure. There are countless other factors that play into marriage. And if you think you can only get married by “giving it up” you need more professional help than I can give on this blog. You control your “single life” if you’re single and miserable it’s your fault that’s it. You CAN choose to be single and happy or single and dating or whatever it is you want.

    • I have this convo time and time again…I must be a gold digger cuz we cant go to Mickey D’s No…I dont eat that mess on the regular…Im not gonna eat it cuz you say Im just trynna see if I like you…NOT…and I aint cookin ish…People get to comfortable too soon…again I am cut throat for this ish…no Im not a dummy

  7. As a man, I think this perspective is cool and def true. And it’s something that men do realize, but it doesn’t address the main reason both females and males engage in situations with ppl that don’t deserve their time in my view, which is the fact that females want and need their treasure plundered at least a handful of times a year (hopefully). And dudes don’t mind pillaging 9.9/10 times.

    For the average dude, most women we deal with we don’t see in the light of realistically wanting 2 take seriously from the offset and we understand some chicks aren’t into getting serious either. We’re not mind readers u know (#FavoritePhrase). So 1/2 the time it’s just like “She’s cool we’ll see what happens, hope she isn’t crazy”. And with the ones who we do value deeply, we don’t realize it until we’re already involved and usually have swam in the diamonds and gold Scrooge McDuck style.

    So while I agree, we only do what u let us, 2 be realistic if u don’t give us a chance 2 either scum u, or just realize we don’t like u that much and honestly tell u, or in the rare case, take u seriously and treat u correctly, u’ll never really kno wat could transpire no matter if ur dealing with a scumbag or good dude.

    I really don’t feel like u can protect urself from scum in the end. A lot of romantic and patient dudes end up 2 be the scummiest, and a lot of impatient “not beat 4 sweating these chicks” dudes are good guys. Like keeping standards is cool but… 2 me being overly hesitant with the booty (nautical term lol)will just keep u stranded on an island waiting for a rescue boat that isn’t coming….ever…in life…

    • *DEAD* ok a few things here. If a guy is scum why should we stick around hoping for diamonds? Let him treat us like dirt and then maaaaaaaybe he’ll treat us like gold?? I don’t get it. And yes I understand there are those who may want just a physical relationship etc. etc. etc. but I don’t think that’s grounds for getting treated like a dog. If you’re “scumming” me. Bye boy/girl. Doesn’t that make sense? No?

      • That’s the thing. If dude is true scum u won’t know he’s gonna scum u until it’s 2 late (those are ones who will butter u up). And if he’s default scum (most dudes domain) he has no intentions 2 scum u from the outset but he just realizes ur not the one after he gets into the situation. So it’s not like an overt super scum situation unless he sees u as a beatdown, which should just be obvious and u can blame urself 4 that.

        Fact of the matter is we usually get attached later in the game, and yeah ur exposing urself 2 get played but so are we… it’s how it goes. No1 expects u 2 stand for a dude treating u dirty or whatever, but u have 2 realize most of the time we have no idea what we are going 2 end up doing with u, and even if we communicate that with u ur likely 2 still feel wronged in the end.

        My point is that yes u control how far we can affect u, and most of the time that entails whether or not u let us into the treasure box, but scummy or not keeping 2 tite a lock on it off gp won’t help really.

      • The point of this post was to say do not a guy treat you like dirt because you’re ruining it for all women. There are signs as pointed out in examples in the post that depict what a man is used to and/or expects from the woman very early on ie-asking to “chill” at home or asking a woman to cook for him on the second date. I’m not labeling these men as “scum” but I am saying that type of behavior is unacceptable. They obviously do it bc soome woman allowed them to. Now about the scum…and default scum sure there are the Great Pretenders who do the bait and switch on you. They are masters of trickery but I see more of the scum who show you exactly hw dirty of a character they are from square one. I advocate letting your guard down, with caution but if you find the guy you are dating not giving you what you want or need or exhibiting dirtbag behavior even after you communicated that to him. DUMP HIM. It doesn’t take years to figure out a man is no good. Folks wanna believe in that “battlefield love” NO! It’s not supposed to hurt.You get hurt when you’re knee deep and the whole thing could have been avoided had the woman had some damn sense. Also the point of the piece is not to “lock it up tight” albeit good advice, it is more about knowing women have something men want. The demand is high and we control the supply. If I control the supply you better play by my rules. Unfortunately, a lot of women are letting the man call the shots and act a fool however the hell they want and that’s the exact opposite of what it should be in terms of first dating.

  8. First off I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this piece…..JUST HAD THIS CONVO WITH A MALE COWORKER…we often call it “Chat with Kenny and Jazz”… We of course disagree because he is a chauvinistic pig at heart… and thinks that his childish ways are acceptable in the adult world…on the flip side he is an upstanding husband and father…but when he speaks about women and his single days boy do I sound off…I often get called cut throat because I cut dudes off (most of them) very quickly! First date he didnt come through when he said he was…Cut off…My coworker tried to offer all kinda excuses for him (they were actually in the same greek organization)…I said NO no need to call him again…but our lunch time banter took a deep turn today….He told me that the reason y 70% of black women are single because “we don’t do what we need to do to keep a man” …I thought I was gonna cut his head off… I thought to myself in that moment thank God you are off the market because its men like you that make “reasonable women” cringe… I CANT take it any longer…this and many other reasons is why I am officially off the market…and will only date white guys from now on…(dont give me the side eye its the only solution i see right now)


    • Ok Jazz I have to stop you right there. Your co-worker is a little bit right. He ruined it by generalizing black women and pulling a fake number out of his ass for the sake of arguing and bc obviously there are lots of black women with bf and husbands so he needs to pump his brrakes on that one. His argument is that all men are worth keeping. WRONG! I can agree that sometimes women are too quick to jump ship. On the first date if dude gets a flat tire, are u gonna cut him off for that? Gauge the intent and the person on a case by case basis. Yes you can get a man but keeping a man is a whole ‘nother story and he’s wrong in thinking every man is worth keeping and that’s the difference. When a man shows he is a catch and worth keeping and he finds a reasonable woman that can discern that…then believe he is being kept, caught and got. The onus falls on both parties to make it work.

  9. #Agreed. I always say men will only do what they’re allowed to do. Not to sound condescending or anything, but men are similar to children in regards that some will try to push the envelope to see how far they will be allowed to go. Similar to a child being disciplined, if he is shown that his behavior will not be tolerated then he has no choice but to shape up. One of the differences between the man and the child in this scenario is that you don’t have to keep the man if he doesn’t shape up!

    What I will also say is I don’t see anything wrong with teaching or showing someone your standards/expectations if they are willing to learn, appreciate and understand.

    One more thing…self worth comes from SELF so if a woman is allowing herself to be taken advantage of by a man then it is highly likely that she is being taken advantage of in other respects. No? If not, then I don’t understand why women don’t demand the same respect from male counterparts they are dating as they do from other people in their lives.

    • EXACTLY BOO! Some women wanna demand respect in ALL areas EXCEPT their love life. A freakin’ mess!

  10. So why is the treasure limited to women?

    • To answer this question let’s do a little experiment. Let both a man and woman go to a party. Both equally attractive. The man goes up to 10 women and suggest they sleep with him. See how many yes’ he gets. The woman also goes up to ten men and suggest the same and see how many yes’ she gets. They’ll compare notes and then see why women have the treasure. You can’t be serious with this question dude.

      • Well first off the experiment is flawed, because it’s not realistic, in most cases that’s not how women/men mate. The responsibility is on the man to make the first attempt *throws that out*.

        The idea of women having an instintic gift that we as men must appease to is completely off. Yea, I agree that in most cases women make the first choice on whether a mate is suitable ..but any man who is willing to “follow suit” is not a man that any woman would be interested in #nodoorknob… the real issue is there are too many door knobs out there that you have to deal with.

        The real true treasure is the chemistry formed when two suitable mates realize they’re on a mutual emotional/intelectual/personal level through intimate conversation..

      • No the experiment is not flawed, it proves my point. Let’s be realistic, Men go after the treasure, women do not have to. I never said “appease” or be a doorknob. If that’s your interpretation and what you garnered from the piece and the comments then I don’t know what to tell you. As I’ve said repeatedly it’s about laying out what is and isn’t acceptable and if you don’t believe women set the rules you are in for a rude (most likely lonely) awakening down the road.

      • No not necessarily, many men go after woman with the idea that they’re the treasure and can get any’s the perspective (I’m not saying i agree with this..relax) As MEN we must approach, I don’t think it has anything to do with treasure…it’s instinctive nature

        Example, a woman sees a fine ass dude in the club that carrys himself very well.. she’s not going to approach him, but rather give off sure at the time she think’s he is the treausre..

        “As I’ve said repeatedly it’s about laying out what is and isn’t acceptable ” agreed but that works both ways, we all know about the infamous gold digger and her lengths when her actions are unchecked

      • Ok you obviously didn’t read the post.Gold digger what? I’m all for debate and discussion but these points are completely irrelevant to anything we have been discussing thus far.

      • No No, I read the post clearly, maybe your not seeing it from this perspective.. If your underlying point is “laying out what is and isn’t acceptable”..then im just stressing it applies to both sexes. I just used the example of a gold digger to show the importance of laying down rules on the male side.

  11. […] Ladies, you have ‘The Treasure’ so what’s the problem? Related: “Only about 3 percent of the 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (and Homo sapiens […]

  12. […] lifestyle. That’s understandable. I’ll take the lifestyle, I’ll pass on the man. If I have to debase myself for that kind of love, you can keep it. But then again what’s love got to do with it? Last time I checked love don’t live here […]

  13. […] winter. It’s cold. Wear sleeves. Wear pants. It’s ok, he’ll still notice your booty dazzling […]

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