The importance of having great girlfriends

November 1, 2010 at 12:18 PM | Posted in Abs Fab | 9 Comments

Friend 1: …But what am I saying he’s not even that into me. Hasn’t asked me out formally it’s all this informal friendly bbm crap…

Friend 2:  Lmao could you leave him alone! He doesn’t like you

Friend 3:  Oh :: calls off the alarms::  He’s gay. Or may not like you :: back to work::

Friend 1: I haven’t asked him out since but he continues to hit me up on bbm. He did want to take me to the shooting spot last Friday.

Friend 2:… Cuz he likes ur hair or something lol not u…

Friend 4: Yea he doesn’t like you. Stop answering his BBMs. It’s worthless.

Friend 1: Lmao they always like my hair its true. 😦

—E-mail advice from girlfriends to another on her dealings with a man who won’t ask her out but thinks it’s fine to be a BBM nuisance

(image found at: via Examiner)

I CRINGE every time a woman proclaims she dislikes, doesn’t get along with or does not/prefers not to have female friends. I never understood this woman against woman mentality or the reason it even exists.   Is it self-hatred? victim of patriarchy? or just plain foolishness? I don’t know. I can’t help anyone who can dislike an entity that they are themselves. Furthermore, I am completely disgusted by it. And even more disgusted that some men believe all woman carry this vendetta but frankly, I’m not buying it. There are deep-rooted problems, as aforementioned,  if an individual claims they don’t get along with a particular gender. I believe there are can be a legitimate aversion to a particular gender based on traumatic or harrowing experiences, but I can’t count a mean girl tripping you in middle school as legitimate grounds for writing off all x-chromosomes. It doesn’t make sense. I have great girl friends and guy friends and both play an intrinsic part in my life experiences. To those who unjustly hate one gender or the other, they are missing out. It is a huge loss in the ying and yang of life and I truly feel sorry for you. It may be time to re-evaluate your choice and judgment in friends rather than relegating a whole sex to damnation. Examine yourself and what compels this type of thinking and then move forward from that.

There is this little known fact that women can appreciate each other, just as, if not more than they can appreciate a “good” man.  I know the latter has been perpetuated abundantly more than the former, but it’s true. There are countless tips on “how to please your man” or “how to be a good girlfriend” we fail to highlight “how to be a good girl friend.” Women are oftentimes depicted as pining for the approval of men but the reality is, some value the opinion of their sisters first and foremost. Some women may be anti-woman but there are circles who respect, value, support, care, uplift, empower and love each other. Women can debate, argue and fist fight and remain friends or reunite as friends down the line. We can even co-exist as friends not frenemies, with no competition, no back-stabbing and no ill-will. Yes folks, it’s true. I had to explain this mind-blowing concept to a man at a happy hour. He was amazed my two good friends and I have been thick and thin for over five years. He was astonished. We rolled our eyes and sighed. He chuckled. (Was this guy serious? Five years isn’t even that long) He said, “girls usually don’t remain great friends that long.” Sir, we are women, number one. Thanks. Number two, I didn’t know you met all women in the world to know what they do and don’t do but whatever circles you travel in, expand them for your own personal development.

I love my girlfriends. (no offense to my wonderful guy friends but this post is not for you. check back later) as I was saying…ah yes…I love my girlfriends. Why? Because they accept me for who I am. Just the way I am. And they actually appreciate it.  These people believe in me sometimes more than I believe in myself.  Now that’s just crazy! It’s a novel idea, I know, but this is what makes good people, great friends.  We know each other pretty well and that just doesn’t happen overnight.  Forming and nurturing a strong bond with someone, male or female, is an invaluable component of life. You know the saying, when you find true love, hold on to it.  Writing off half the population is not conducive to this. If someone can predict what you are going to say or do in a given situation and it is spot on, that is love.  If someone can point out you’re behaving like a raving lunatic and you need to check yourself and you accept their advice and follow it. That. Is. Love. If someone can tell you their opposing view or opinion on your personal situation and you consider it as an option, that is true love.  My girlfriends and I are as thick as thieves and may seem the same on the surface, but we are ferociously different. Extremely different. In our circle our virtues are valued but we can agree we all have our vices. We can never negatively pinpoint anyone as “that one friend.” In that case, we are all “that one friend.”  (whatever that means) Now ask me what the importance of having great girlfriends is and I’ll probably point to my wall littered with beautifully decorated homemade and store bought cards celebrating my birthday, graduation, my first real job, honoring her “esposa” on Valentine’s day  and thanking God we narrowly escaped with our limbs and lives because our parents would have raised us from the dead to kill us again that one time down in…

Ladies, do you value girlfriends? Why do some women dislike other women? Are we that much different with our friends than men are with theirs?

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  1. I have great female friends. Perhaps those women who can’t stand to be around other women just haven’t found any good/real friends. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t get along with women, or that women are too “catty” cause my girls are awesome.

    • Yea, that’s probably the reason but to denounce ALL women and refusing to pinpoint the actual cause is very problematic. It’s sad.

  2. I love having my girlfriends… who else is there to bounce things off of and check your crazy before it gets out of hand? I have had the same best friends for 30yrs…(yes this is a recent pic I’m aging we are the original Fab Five!! we talk, debate, argue, fuss, cry, laugh, shop, eat and even after months of not speaking/seeing each other (life does get in the way) its like time has stood still… Women without female friends make me shudder, those women are the ones I seriously wonder about…

  3. […] My friends joke that they don’t like to complain to me about their boos because they always know what I’m going to say. Dump him. Yea that’s always my initial outburst, but when we get to the crux of the issue I only endorse that advice when the guy you’re dating is a hassle. I know relationships take work but if you feel hassled to do any of it…Dump him. What’s that I hear? He consistently NEVER keeps his word? Like not even once. And you’re 4 years in? I don’t know what to tell you. There were signs he was going to be a hassle early on and you know it. You chose to ignore it. You didn’t lay out what is and not acceptable. Now after he dumps YOU for being too needy he’s lambasting reasonable women as stuck up witches. Why? Because you forgot you had The Treasure. Ladies, if men can remember we have it, amongst forgetting that your first kiss was under the hickory tree on 24th and 5th and the moon was half because the aurora lights reflected it to be pink and how DARE he forget that! THE JERK! We should too. And sure start acting like it. If not for your own sake. Lawd please for MY SAKE I’m tired of pointing and laughing at these clowns! (no I’m not. yes I am. no I’m not) […]

  4. It’s quite the copout in my opinion! If you don’t get along with three women because YOU fucked up all those relationships, don’t write off everything with a vagina (that they were born with, cus you never know what people do to themselves these days). Most of the lame women who say they don’t get along with women do so because they need an excuse for their anti-social self-hatred that makes them view other females as threats. The trite excuse is usually something along the lines of “women are fake” “women are catty” “women can’t be trusted” and all that does is give MEN more reason to treat us like shit!

    Usually these women are lamenting to men how bad their female friends are to gain cool points with the men, to denounce their breasts and tampons in an effort to be “that cool chick” who would rather watch football than Bridezilla. I say it’s bullshit. The phrase “You are who you associate with” comes to mind, and I think certain broads hate other broads because those broads remind them of just how unspectacular they are. I toooootally love my female friends because they are bad ass, just as bad ass as I am.


  5. […] Making fun of me with my friends […]

  6. […] comment she made, tell her. If the waitress made your meal unpleasant, tell the manager (as my good friend did at brunch yesterday, they thanked her profusely for speaking up instead of suffering in silence) […]

  7. […] of “no,” it’s up to you to go deaf to them And to keep your circle of family and friends strong. For every 50 people who may think I’m crazy for wanting to do something there’s […]

  8. […] so much I’m surprised she didn’t need a cane at series end. I will give her credit for maintaining her friendships through her man issues. However it was deeper issues she needed to grapple with that really […]

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