So “Hooking up” is the new “Dating”? Not for I, said the one named Dash

January 11, 2010 at 8:19 PM | Posted in Hot Sex on Fire, I can't support this, Love, Dating & Relationships, Sad but true, Seriously? | 2 Comments

Ok, I confess, I can’t get enough of NyMag’s Sex Diaries. It’s a healthy addiction. It’s harmless really, every time I finish reading one diarists’ entry I leave feeling relieved about my own love life with an enthused “glad I’m not THAT guy/girl.” To me it’s pure entertainment. I laugh and point at most of the situations logged in these almost fictional entries. It’s hard to believe any self-respecting woman would beg for sex and get turned down by two different guys in one day. Well, in fact I finish reading most entries incredulous. I often wondered is this normal? Am I abnormal for still upholding the age-old art of dating and expecting the guy to *gasp* open the door (at the very least)? But, as the unifying theme in every entry depicts, technology, particularly “sexting” has given way for dating’s red-headed step-child, “hooking up.” A dirty facade that is no longer viewed as such. Allegedly.

“Has the search for erotic gratification ever been so efficient? Until recently, being a cad or coquette took a lot of work: You needed to buy a little black book, and you had to go around filling it, and then you had to schedule your calls for a time when the target of your seduction was likely to be at home. The less-self-assured daters in New York faced the sickening anxiety of the first phone call, or the cold approach in the bar. There were palliatives designed to help people cope—the newspaper personal ads, the paid dating services, the dirty videos and magazines—but they were generally understood to be the province of weirdos and losers. No more. The social technologies that assist in dating and mating today are more than palliatives – they’ve changed the nature of the game.”

In a world where “hooking up” is becoming the standard among young people, I refuse to be part of it. Frankly my daddy taught me better than that. What the hell did “Johnny” (or “Raul” or “Jamal” or “Muhammad” or “Lee”) do to earn a kiss or a feel? Many blame their dalliances on the alcohol, sometimes loneliness, sometimes boyfriend number 3 was acting stupid and boyfriend number 1 was out of town so Sue went with boyfriend number 2. Wesley Yang wrote an insightful, introspective and spot-on piece on this new “dating/hooking up” phenomena where the dating part is obsolete: A Critical (But Highly Sympathetic) Reading of New Yorkers’ Sexual Habits and Anxieties

It seems like a lot of these New York diarists’ raison d’etre is to end up in a stranger’s bed(s). Alas, I guess I get in the way of myself in that instance, because my reason for being is to dance. Yes, I love dancing. Ask anyone, I’m a fool for the dance. But only vertically.

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  1. […] Related: So ‘hooking up’ is the new dating? […]

  2. […] why my father RUINED my dating life! Related: You have a child sir? This date is over! Related: So “Hooking up” is the new “Dating”? Not for I, said the one named Dash Realted: Single Black Female. Please sit all the way down. Forever. Thanks Related: Best Advice: […]


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