Stop letting things get to you

November 22, 2010 at 12:28 PM | Posted in Abs Fab, I have had enough, I support this | 17 Comments

A few practices that I have incorporated into my life to retain peace, and sanity when navigating life amongst annoying human beings.

Stop taking things personal
Not everything is an attack on you. Sometimes the situation that you’re getting upset about actually may have absolutely nothing to do with you. When you stop thinking it’s about you, it’s easier to put things in perspective.

Stop taking things so seriously
Have a sense of humor. Being uptight only hurts you. As with not taking things personal, stop.

Stop engaging
Someone makes a snooty remark? Someone trying to start a fight at the club? Someone calling you at the very time you told them NOT to call. Choose to not engage. Don’t respond. Don’t answer the phone. You can do so much more by doing nothing at all. Most times it’s not worth your time, cool or your sanity to respond to every comment, call, or challenge.

Stop letting others actions dictate yours
My mother gave me this sound advice one day when we went to grab some lunch. The lady at the counter had a nasty attitude but my mother is forever friendly and has a tremendous sense of humor so she was very pleasant and smiley with the lady and my mother and I chatted and laughed with each other while waiting for our food. The counter lady seemed thoroughly annoyed but softened a little. When we went to sit, I whispered that the lady had such a bad attitude and my mother said “so what? that has nothing to do with me, you see she started laughing at our jokes at the end. Her attitude didn’t change mine.” On a different occasion she told me how to she deals with insufferable co-workers.  “Don’t worry about those people. They still have to live with themselves. They’re the ones that go home and cry themselves to sleep. Or the less radical,  “If someone is being nasty to you, you should be sweet, as sweet as sugar and then they will instantly recognize how crazy they are being.”

Stop entertaining
It always boggles my mind why folks allow themselves to become part of drama. Some women constantly complain about how this clown is ALWAYS calling and texting and what have you. My question always is, well why do you even respond? I know there are the relentlessness ones that never seem to let up but unless they are true stalkers, they will eventually give up. There are ways to block. There are ways to clearly state leave me the hell alone.  I’ve done it and it works. If you like the drama, which is what I suspect is the case for many women who complain but still entertain, then that’s your business and I WON’T entertain your gripes.

Stop holding things in
Can we make a pact to stop internalizing? Really, this habit of bringing up that time in fourth grade when I ate your pudding without asking is so lame. If something is legitimately bothering you, say something. I say legitimately because it is important to not be trivial over well, trivial stuff. If your friend legitimately hurt your feelings with an off-handed comment she made, tell her. If the waitress made your meal unpleasant, tell the manager (as my good friend did at brunch yesterday, they thanked her profusely for speaking up instead of suffering in silence) The sooner you let it be known what is upsetting you, the sooner you can sort it out, let it go and get on with your life.

Stop tallying faults
This goes along with not holding things in. Let it go. Forgive and let live. Once someone apologizes or a situation is resolved, move on and move forward. Stop keeping count of do-wrongs and encourage do-rights.

Stop believing everyone is you
Everyone is different. Not everyone is going to do things one way or the way you would do it. We as humans of have a natural bias to judge others based on what we would do but you can’t expect to do that and live a balanced life. It’s unhealthy to practice this. Breathe in compassion and breathe out judgment.

Stop looking at the picture only one way
Try to look at the other side of the coin. There are two sides to every story and it’s better to remain objective in a lot of situations. Granted, we have our own unique opinions on certain topics but it is also important to take other perspectives into consideration.

Stop trying to control others
The only actions you have control over is your own. Just your own. Recite and repeat.