These men call BS on ‘Top 10: Things You Lose When You Commit’

January 24, 2011 at 2:16 PM | Posted in As A Man, Boys! Boys! Boys!, Don't be a Dummy | 3 Comments

I came across this article on about exactly what the name says. The things men lose when they enter a serious relationship.

This is it in list form:
10. Your female friends
9. Your weekends
8. Your casual fun
7. Your self-indulgences
6. Your exit
5. Your financial independence
4. Your options
3. Your own plans
2. Your space
1. Your identity

I asked the men of twitter and the majority disagreed. @InsanityReport said the article would be more accurately named ’10 Things Men Worry About Losing’ since it was written in such “a frat boy, amateurish way.” He went on to say some of the points in the article in a way made sense but “some of it isn’t necessarily bad or limited to just men but there are some things men fear losing.”

@Heliopolis said the list was so boring and really didn’t apply to just men. It also made it seem like the miserable part of being in a relationship, when in fact, most of them are reason to be in a relationship. Losing freedom, Losing self, your weekends being lost, and female friends has a slight point, but that doesn’t really apply to all relationships. Some are more tolerable. I can see that with financial independence, but losing an exit? WTF did you get in a relationship for, just to get out?

@and1grad said he disagreed with the options one, the friends one, and half disagree with the individuality one. People GIVE that away.

@Milkipedia just flat out disagreed saying if you’re interested in commitment, some of those things you don’t want anymore.

@jackfrombkln politely stated, if you have no balls to begin with, you have nothing to lose. Honestly, who writes this crap?


From a woman’s perspective I don’t agree with most of the list, but most do bring up a bit of truth when it comes from making the transition from single life to a relationship. You may not have to give up most or even all of those listed but you would have to curb them a bit to accommodate for the new person and commitment in your life. However, I don’t believe it would feel like you are “giving up” or missing out on these things if you are truly happy with your significant other. Lots of the things listed should be bid adieu without a thought or wistful sadness.

Your options, your casual fun and your exit are cases in point. Why would these be even given a second thought if you are willingly entering into a relationship, as @Milkipedia and @Heliopolis  said. If you don’t want one, don’t get into one. Duh. Others must be tailored or curbed, female friends do not have to eliminated but how you must be mindful of how you interact with them. Your self-indulgences may have to be scaled back only if your partner finds them unfavorable or if they’re dangerous. If you indulge in the gym, why on earth would I want you to scale back? Go pump that iron boy. If it’s getting trashed on the daily then I’d have to ask you go to rehab. Your financial independence should still be intact but you do end up doling money on activities with your SO but your SO would as well. We can debate that men do spend more money in relationships and I can agree to that, but I believe the same money is spent dating and casually hooking up. Others do not have to be given up at all your plans, your weekends, your space, your identity. It’s about striking a balance. You can have your weekends to hang with your friends AND your SO if you plan it that way. I have no interest in moving in with my boyfriend, I value him and I value my space as well and as @and1grad points out, one willingly gives away their identity and if that’s the case. maybe they should have been committed to themselves before committing to someone else.

What do you gals and guys think? Do you think an individual has to make major changes when entering a committed relationship?



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  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nino, Jackie Summers and Dash, Dash. Dash said: These men call BS on 'Top 10: Things You Lose When You Commit' […]

  2. Currently not in a relationship but holding out hope for something real, I can’t speak from experience. On the surface I would think that the majority if not all of it is utter BS! Sure there’s give and take, but this last makes it sounds like outright sacrifice of who you are.

    As far as yourself not wanting to move in with your BF, how come? Have you seriously thought about it? I feel that after sewing someone for a significant amount of time (2 years at least) if moving in together is not agreed upon, the relationship really isn’t going to go anywhere further. At that point it’s all in our all out. Just my view on it at least.

  3. Noticed some spelling mistakes, I’m on my phone and in autocorrect hell! Sorry about that, I’m sure you can follow along.

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