Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28 minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.
Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?
The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.
This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.
I’m 23. I’m young. All my co-workers call me a kid. They have kids older than me. Some of their hairstyles are older than me. I’m fine with that. Like my co-worker, Dino said, stay a kid as long as possible. Goo goo ga ga. I have no qualms about my youth. I love it. I revel in it. I’m not going to waste it.
I am also single. I’m single and I like it. My mother encourages me to stay this way. My father’s ecstatic at this choice. I don’t think I have to “explain” why I’m single. It’s not a condition, it’s not a sickness. My declaration of that choice shouldn’t be met with a head tilted look of pity and a drawn out “AwwWWWwwwwww.” Save it d-bag.
Is it a requirement to have a significant other? Frankly, I’m way more happy flying solo. I come and go as I please. I don’t have to report to anyone. I don’t have to invite “him” to the movie I would rather see by myself. And if my room is messy, the only person that sees it is me.
I don’t need another commitment in my life at this point. I’m post grad. I’m still coming to terms that my first born is indebted to Sallie Mae. I’m almost a year into my career and my time and energy is better suited for avoiding office gossip, plotting my moves for world domination, gallivanting about town in that ca-yute dress, trading clothes with my hot mother, BBM-ing and tweeting the hell out of my friends, eating raw cookie dough, and frequent early car discussions on the plight and resolutions of minorities in America. Thanks Daddy!
I don’t feel the pressure to get a boyfriend. Much less getting married. Sure I date. I date a lot. @Tdotcarter1 calls me “United Nations” I like ‘em all. However, I don’t feel compelled to be in a relationship. There’s absolutely nothing appealing about it. It comes with obligations that I’d just rather not have. Especially in the midst of giving one liver to Sallie Mae and my right lung to my progressing career. I have priorities that take precedent over “brunch with the boy.” It’ll infringe on my raw cooking dough eating or on any one or combination of the aforementioned joys of my life.
I get annoyed easily. My best friend does too. She gets me. The rest of my friends get me. My family gets me, and I get all the love, understading and abuse I can handle from these people. An ole ball and chain is excessive. I don’t have the patience to help a man “get me.” I’m not ready for that. Hell HE’S not ready for that.
What I am NOT ready for is this marriage psycho babble I keep hearing from my own friends and followers. Why do women feel so much pressure to get married as soon as they reach legal drinking age? From what I see, men get married in their 30’s 40’s 50’s or never. And ask them if they give two hells about it. Why has this stigma of being old maid scared women shitless into a bedlam to wed when men can simply be a “bachelor” their whole lives? Give me a break. It’s enough already. Women, live your life, happily and completely and forget about timing. If you so happen to find your mate at 25, well, rock on with your bad self. I support it. But what’s wrong with getting married older?
I know, I know, childbirth has more complications after age 35. That’s a weak argument. Women have children well into their 40’s these days. Ok, so you don’t want to be “old” while raising kids. Another weak argument. If you take your health seriously, it doesn’t matter if you’re 60 at Johnny’s high school graduation. So then what are the reasons women feel they want or must be married by their late 20’s? I have yet to hear a good one. Well I guess if you’re aspiring career is “housewife.” You win.
I support living one’s life and doing what you want and being selfish until you are ready to make that commitment to a husband and then eventually kids. Personally, I want to flourish in my career, open a couple businesses, help some people, get an ice cream flavor named after me and travel the world before I get a ring put on it. I’m having way too much fun right now. Errrr not that you can’t have fun with a husband…:blink blink:
If you are not whole before you become one with another individual…guess what, you will still be incomplete and for those that are complete and are on the desperate search for “the one.” Please stop. It’s pathetic. I’m sorry, this is my opinion. Haste makes waste. #yougottachill. There shouldn’t be a deadline on forever. Yes, marriage is forever.
Marriage is a life-long commitment and I think a lot of people forget that. Marriage is with another person. You are responsible for another human being’s heart. That’s a colossal responsibility, with negative and positive ramifications depending on you handle that responsibility. I’m not there yet. I still say goo-goo ga ga.
Any person of color could have told you that one. We live it everyday. They can also tell you that they get followed around while at stores and get a side-eye when they’re the only color in a room or at a conference or at a… But the post-Obama America inserts fingers into ears and says racism is gone because hey look, we chose the black guy! The “race card” isn’t an excuse, it is a reality for those who are striving to transcend racial boundaries and inequities. And even for the everyday “Jamal.” So education can’t even be the “great equalizer.” Something’s gotta give.
From nytimes.com: In Job Hunt, College Degree Can’t Close Racial Gap