Many an HIV spokesperson say it was “only one time” of unprotected sex. Friends have admitted they haven’t been to the gyno in years or ever, and I have heard of a colposcopy that had not been done years after the gyno recommended one. I have but one question. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????
I don’t know why more care is being taken to polish up the outside of female bodies rather than the inside. And the inside is what can kill you. A pap smear can detect abnormal cervical changes before they become cancerous. Did you know that you need to have a pap smear at age 21, or after you become sexually active? This applies to all of you reading. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now.
Elizabeth Edwards (R.I.P) said she let down her family and the country by neglecting to get mammograms that could have caught her cancer earlier. She said she didn’t, and by the time she felt a lump in her breast in 2004 and was able to get it removed, it had grown to nine centimeters and the cancer had spread elsewhere. She said she did not have to be in this situation. Early detection is still crucial in breast cancer survival. I remember figuratively beating my mother over the head to get one, I even sent her a mammogram reminder in the mail. She went. She said it felt good. She’s weird. Anyway, I don’t care if there’s “debate” over the “right age” to get a mammogram, you are the only person responsible for your life so start acting like it. Regular self breast examinations before age 40 are a must and do it often.
Continue Reading This is Life or Death: Women start taking your sexual health seriously!…
Ok, I confess, I can’t get enough of NyMag’s Sex Diaries. It’s a healthy addiction. It’s harmless really, every time I finish reading one diarists’ entry I leave feeling relieved about my own love life with an enthused “glad I’m not THAT guy/girl.” To me it’s pure entertainment. I laugh and point at most of the situations logged in these almost fictional entries. It’s hard to believe any self-respecting woman would beg for sex and get turned down by two different guys in one day. Well, in fact I finish reading most entries incredulous. I often wondered is this normal? Am I abnormal for still upholding the age-old art of dating and expecting the guy to *gasp* open the door (at the very least)? But, as the unifying theme in every entry depicts, technology, particularly “sexting” has given way for dating’s red-headed step-child, “hooking up.” A dirty facade that is no longer viewed as such. Allegedly.
“Has the search for erotic gratification ever been so efficient? Until recently, being a cad or coquette took a lot of work: You needed to buy a little black book, and you had to go around filling it, and then you had to schedule your calls for a time when the target of your seduction was likely to be at home. The less-self-assured daters in New York faced the sickening anxiety of the first phone call, or the cold approach in the bar. There were palliatives designed to help people cope—the newspaper personal ads, the paid dating services, the dirty videos and magazines—but they were generally understood to be the province of weirdos and losers. No more. The social technologies that assist in dating and mating today are more than palliatives – they’ve changed the nature of the game.”
In a world where “hooking up” is becoming the standard among young people, I refuse to be part of it. Frankly my daddy taught me better than that. What the hell did “Johnny” (or “Raul” or “Jamal” or “Muhammad” or “Lee”) do to earn a kiss or a feel? Many blame their dalliances on the alcohol, sometimes loneliness, sometimes boyfriend number 3 was acting stupid and boyfriend number 1 was out of town so Sue went with boyfriend number 2. Wesley Yang wrote an insightful, introspective and spot-on piece on this new “dating/hooking up” phenomena where the dating part is obsolete: A Critical (But Highly Sympathetic) Reading of New Yorkers’ Sexual Habits and Anxieties
It seems like a lot of these New York diarists’ raison d’etre is to end up in a stranger’s bed(s). Alas, I guess I get in the way of myself in that instance, because my reason for being is to dance. Yes, I love dancing. Ask anyone, I’m a fool for the dance. But only vertically.
Editor’s Note: I’ve had my share of first date disasters. I’m no stranger to first date hell. Plenty of it. I can laugh about them now and the men that committed these atrocities are the running jokes among my circle of friends. All of the following tips come from experience, they ALL happened to me. Sad but true. For the sake of my fellow woman, I feel a moral obligation to educate the male masses on things that will definitely land you directly on dontdatehim.com.
1. When you open the menu do NOT say “Welp I’m ordering the cheapest thing on the menu”
Yes, this actually did happen and yes, I did cut this “date” short. Furthermore, do not declare or give your date any inkling of your financial situation whether good or bad. Simply it’s disgustingly tacky. Finances are personal.
2. Do not ask me to come back to your place. Please, just don’t even try it.
It’s tacky. You look desperate. You look like a giant perv and if I wanted to come back to your place I would make it abundantly clear. Down boy.
3.Do not spend the duration of the movie BBMing/texting/checking your phone.
Am I interrupting that date you have with your blackberry? Do you want me to leave? Because that’s exactly what I did.
4. Do not invite your friends on our date
Uh, once again. Am i interrupting something? Should I leave. Oh yea, I just did.
5. Do not come on a date with funky breath!
I thought good hygiene is a given. Great hygiene, especially fresh breath should go without saying on a date! Isn’t the goal to get a kiss at the end of the night? Even if I’m feeling the hell out of you, you get no tonsil hockey with a nasty mouth! Just Yuck!
6. Do not undress me with your eyes.
Ok guys, we know the kind of response we will garner by putting on that push up bra and low cut top. We actually plan these seductive moves sometimes. I expect the lingering eye. Sure. But if it’s to the point that I don’t even know the color or your eyes because you’re exploring the goods the whole ENTIRE time, I will definitely throw that turtleneck on next time.
7. Do not come on the date looking like a bum!
So I must get dolled up, put on the wonder bra, put on these 6 inch heels, put on this dazzling eye shadow and you show up in a dirty tee and jeans? Boy BYE!! I’ll go be pretty for someone that appreciates it.
8. Do not spend the whole night staring deeply in my eyes.
Dude it’s creepy.
9. Do not let me know there was even a check.
Asking for the check and promptly paying (in the case of a date that involves food and drink) is an art that is perfected over time. This is why I suggest dating older men. The best way to do this is discretion. SIgnal the server by drawing an imaginary check in the air, look over the bill, pay, all while not missing a beat in our awesome convo. (Believe me it’s been done) Milling over the bill for more than 30 seconds is a huge turn off.
10. Do not ask me for a kiss….or to fondle my boobs for that matter
Just do it man. The kiss, not the boob thing. You will know if it will be welcomed. We’re all adults here. We women like a little sugar too. ; ) Well not the boob thing. I will now call those nice men in uniform over there. Yup, that’s the guy officers.
11. Do not wait an eternity to follow up if you like me.
You know that 2 day rule or whatever the hell it is? Yea, don’t do that. If you’re interested, show interest! Because if the woman is like me, I will hit your call or text back with the “Who is this?” If you’re not interested? Well, carry on sir.
I have very wise parents. They keep it real with me, I keep it real with them. Growing up, no subject was off limits, including love and sex. Having this type of open rapport with my parents throughout my years has been beneficial in my personal growth. I would like to believe I’m a little bit wise in these particular areas…hey, I had great role models. I definitely won’t say I know everything about male and female relations but here are a few practices I believe would benefit women when it comes to love, dating and relationships.
1. Don’t question him
I don’t like anyone questioning me. My parents, the very beings that gave life to me, don’t question me. Where I’m going, what I’m doing and with whom is no one’s business but my own. I oftentimes fly solo and relish that freedom, so why the hell would I want my mate to grill me on my moves? It’s maddening to anyone. When you are first getting to know someone, take what they say at face value. Dating shouldn’t be about trying to verify his story but instead getting to know the person telling the story. In time as you make a connection and a bond grows, he will offer his itinerary voluntarily and vice versa. If he gives you reason to feel suspicious, send his shady ass to the left. Promptly.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
Ok, I get annoyed easily. I admit it. But that fact doesn’t mean I should go upside my mate’s head everytime he throws a dirty sock on the floor. It can never be that serious and you know it! Pick your battles. If he says he will call at 6:00pm and doesn’t call until the next morning please don’t chew him out for 10 minutes on how he “didn’t call when he was supposed to.” Why waste time being mad when you two could be having fun? Let it roll. Don’t get me wrong, if he does something completely off color, speak your peace and keep it moving. Just don’t become “that girlfriend.”
3. When he shows you who he is, believe him: If he wasn’t giving you what you wanted in the beginning he will definitely not give you what you want in the end
I’m a communicator. I like free-flowing communication within all my relationships. I like to be able to reach someone and vice versa. I was dating a guy that was horrid at communicating. He failed at speaking his mind, relaying plans, and come to think of it, just talking in general. I didn’t like it. I voiced my concerns. He acknowledged his problem with a chuckle and a “yea, everyone says that.” I think I even detected a kanye shrug. I let it rock for a little. Uh…what’s his name again?
Adding to this point, my mother told me this story of a woman she knew. Keep in mind my mother is, just as, if not MORE sarcastic and cynical than me.
My mother: What’s wrong “Linda”?
“Linda”: I’m so upset my boyfriend and I broke up.
My mother: (BBM sad face) Awwwwwww….
Linda: Yea, we were together for 3 years
My mother: Wow…
Linda: Yea he’s been divorced twice and has three kids. I wanted to get married and have kids but when we got together he said he will never get married again and he doesn’t want anymore kids.
My mother: -_-
The worst part about this was the serial divorcee broke up with HER. Ladies, don’t be anyone’s dummy. Not rocket science folks.
4. Play your cards right: It’s a poker game
When I was in high school my beyond-traditional, uber-strict, over-protective father sat me down and gave me his view on sex in a relationship. He said “Dating is like a poker game. In the game, you hold your cards close to your chest, you don’t let anyone see them and you play your hand. So once you have sex with a guy all your cards are on the table, then what do you have to play with??” :BBM Dr. Jekyl inquisitive face:
I had just entered high school and the idea of the teenage boy species made that vein in my father’s neck protrude for the next 4 years. His theory is valid. It can be applicable in all aspects of dating, in sex and in the “getting to know you” process. Don’t bombard homeboy with your stories on how “Diana just RUINED your life in middle school just because you were fat and liked to lick chalk” within the first 5 minutes of meeting. Nobody wants to hear that. In time he probably will, let it happen organically and eventually you BOTH won’t mind calling the game a tie.
5. Be yourself
This should be easy if you’re not a psycho. And please, for goodness sake…don’t.be.a.psycho.
P.S.-Just thought of this addendum:
Don’t test him
I always hang my head down in shame when I hear this same ol’ tired story. “Yea so last night I was hanging out with my man and his friend invited him out to the strip club. He turned and asked me if I was cool with it and he’d just stay in if I wanted to chill. Can you believe that? I was kind of tight, so I just rolled my eyes and said whatever, you do whatever you want….and guess what? he went!” -_- Men are mind readers no more than you are. If you feel like getting big one day to test him and”see what he’s going to do,” chances are, you will be picking your face off the floor. Be honest. Stop being a psycho.
Cause you just can’t get enough of hearing about people’s love lives. ie-Tiger, McKenzie Phillips, Random sex tapes from “For the Love of Ray J” rejects, Trey Songz overhyped “Invented Sex,” and those random “after-sex” pictures couples post on facebook as observed by my homegirl T.Lloyd. Here’s your newest obsession. You’re welcome.
NYMAG.COM’s SEX DIARIES: Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar…