I came across this article on AskMen.com about exactly what the name says. The things men lose when they enter a serious relationship.
This is it in list form:
10. Your female friends
9. Your weekends
8. Your casual fun
7. Your self-indulgences
6. Your exit
5. Your financial independence
4. Your options
3. Your own plans
2. Your space
1. Your identity
I asked the men of twitter and the majority disagreed. @InsanityReport said the article would be more accurately named ’10 Things Men Worry About Losing’ since it was written in such “a frat boy, amateurish way.” He went on to say some of the points in the article in a way made sense but “some of it isn’t necessarily bad or limited to just men but there are some things men fear losing.”
I found ‘em y’all! Yup! I found the culprits! I caught ‘em! I caught ‘em in action! I ran out of the store and into Beeb’s car. He was cracking up. “What’s so funny?” I asked. He pointed at a group of men on the corner. “Them. They’re posted up hollering at every girl that goes by.” We spent the next five minutes parked watching them in action, uproariously laughing and pointing with the window open. If you know me, I have an unapologetically loud laugh. Some of the men saw what we were doing and were shamed into leaving. Others remained to try their luck because they knew just one woman had to respond to their advances. That one woman who let some men think it’s acceptable to “pssssttt” at me on the street. The ones who oblige the demands for a number after the “psssssst.” The ones who engaged in the drama and entertained his calls and left me to ignore him when I lost his number after I said I would and oh yea the ones who cleared their schedule every time he wanted to “chill,” I’m appalled at your behavior. It’s all your fault!
Speaking of chill, going to your home to watch a movie is not a date. No. It’s not. Thanks to you, this fool over here certainly thinks it does. His taken aback look explains it all. You women have agreed to this “date request” and it has worked very well for him over these few years. ‘Til now. Sir, please call me back when you have come up with acceptable date plans. He never called back. He found someone who accepted his original one. So it continues. I’m looking at the woman who doesn’t recognize her worth and settles for the lowest common denominator when she needn’t. Why? Because she has something. The Treasure.
I can be unreasonable at times, I freely and generously admit that, especially when it comes to men approaching women on the street. I would rather it never happen but I don’t expect everyone to be a genius think like me, but if you do decide to cross that line, tread carefully, men. Very, very carefully.
If you want to “get to know her”….It is your responsibility to make her feel as comfortable as humanely possible. YES, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
In the words of Phaedra Starling: “…The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted…So when you,a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself:Will this man rape me? Do you think I’m overreacting?” Bottom line. She doesn’t want to get raped. You don’t want to get maced. I personally would choose, the latter but as a woman I am forced to deal with the plausibility of the former.
Consider the time, place, and your actions.
Approaching a woman after hours on a dark street is not conducive to an easy number exchange. Some may ask well why is a woman even on the streets at these hours. Fair enough. But I don’t think having an X chromosome warrants a 9pm curfew. It’s unreasonable and downright sexist to suggest women should feel terror-stricken if she has to leave her home after it’s dark. I digress. Consider the time. Night time near an alleyway? Just keep it moving, I am telling you right now it’s not going to happen. While she’s on the phone? No sane woman will end her phone call to speak to a strange man who is commanding she tend to his needs and not her business. This is just ludicrous.
Expect her to reciprocate what you’re doling out.
You come at her crazy, expect an equal or greater crazy response. My bet’s on crazier.
She doesn’t have to say one blasted word to you
You. Are. A. Stranger. Repeat. Meditate on that phrase. We learned in kindergarten, to not speak to strangers and this still applies to a certain extent even into adulthood. Why does she have to speak to you just because you spoke to her? Human decency? Sure. But it’s her prerogative.
Talk to her not AT her.
There is a MAJOR difference between these two.
NO can never mean yes
She rolls her eyes. She doesn’t respond. She walks faster. Let it go. You win some, but you just lost one. Keep it moving. There is no reason to give chase, because…
Continue Reading Guys, please stop harassing women…
Beeb and I were in the car in front of my place when I suddenly remembered I needed some lettuce and fruit for tomorrow’s green smoothie. I asked him to take me around to the local market to get them, at the exact moment it started pouring. He drove up as close as possible to the front of the market. I was gearing up to take an Olympic leap over the curb and dash straight in. I started in for the door handle as he opened his door, “I’ll get the umbrella in the trunk” he said. “Oh it’s ok, I’ll just run in, I—”
Continue Reading Ladies, sometimes you just gotta…SHUT UP!…
10. “And since a man can’t make one, [baby] he has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one.”
My body. NOT yours. Thanks.
9. Not shutting up!
You can cause more harm by not quitting while you’re behind. You can win more battles by what you don’t say. If what is coming out of your mouth next borders on the unintelligible, PLEASE for the love of all that’s right in the world, just shut it!
8. Only dating the dregs of femalekind then lambasting ALL women as such
Slim Thug, I’m looking at you. I really can’t get offended anymore when men make these sweeping statements portraying all women in every negative light. I feel sorry for them because it speaks on how low they think of themselves to actually date and mate with these cretins.
Continue Reading The stupid BS some guys do…
Editor’s Note: I said “get him” not necessarily “keep him.” Use a little more imagination for that one ladies.
“Men like colors” my mother exclaimed, this past summer, smiling in her orange dress as 3 men in a row hit on her at the MET then were shooed away with a “That’s my mother, and I’m 23.” She’s right. Men like bright colors, it can be attributed to a plumage of sorts. You catch more flies with orange than black, it draws attention. But make sure it’s the right attention, don’t put on a red mesh shirt sans camisole and expect desirable results.
Who doesn’t like a nice smile? Instead of scowling and snarling, a smile works. I will continue to work on this, but scaring small children is so much fun. Hmmpff. :scowls, then roars:
Continue Reading 5 things that’ll get him…at first…
This is genius.
Inside my brain when I spot “pants on the ground”
Ewwww…You look like a scumbag. Why is your whole entire ass out? You don’t feel that draft? No? You don’t have a problem the thin material that is your underwear is feeble protection from the elements. Don’t you feel that cold germy subway seat on your ass? As a full grown man, you don’t care that everyone sees your underwear? Is it comfortable waddling like that all day? Do you feel cool reaching down to your ankles to grab your wallet? Do girls like that? Cuz I know women sure don’t.
Continue Reading Lookin’ like a FOOL with your pants on the ground…
Editor’s Note: I really wanted to stay away from this topic. I really really did. Why? Simply put. I think it’s silly. But everyone and their third cousin has been asking me my opinion on the topic so I’ll express it here. At about 4:28 minutes in homegirl in the purple shirt says “No, I don’t do that” in reference to being opposed to asking a man that she liked for his number. I will now analyze and dissect the story that she told and her response in correlation to her future as a cat-lady.
Um excuse me?? “You don’t DOOOO that?” Hi, have you met yourself, yea, you! you’re the single girl on the ABC special I’m watching. This must be a joke! A complete joke! This lady is crying that she’s single yet she “doesn’t “do that?” Helllooo????!!!! That’s why you’re single. Is that connection so damn hard to fathom?
The thing that blows my mind to bits is these women seem like they genuinely want to find love and happiness in love but they sure aren’t acting like it. If I want to lose weight but I lay around everyday eating twinkies, ring dings, ho-hos, and star crunches mushed into chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with a large fry, chocolate shake and Big Mac to wash it down before a large pizza desert, will I lose weight? Hell to NO! (Sounds like a Sunday Funday plan though) So if you’re looking for love but are reluctant to put yourself out there, are you going to find love? Methinks not. Look at the bigger picture. Sure, that woman may feel awkward for the 2.5 seconds it takes to ask this wonderful Caucasian gentleman she was vibing with for his number but what happens after that? They exchange numbers and can then see if a fruitful relationship manifests. The alternative is the same position she’s in. Lonely. And complaining to complete strangers like me who don’t give a hell.
This lady still has SILLY rules about approaching a man at 34. There’s the problem. A wise man once told me to get the results you’re not getting, do something you’re not doing. Whether that means, changing the places you meet men, changing your demeanor or (that stank face you always have on), it’s about doing something different so you achieve different and more preferable results. So obviously since she doesn’t “do that” she will never get married. The act of asking a man for his number is not brazen, it’s not slutty, it’s showing your interest in an effort to be un-single. Let’s keep it funky here, the woman ain’t no spring chicken. Beautiful woman, but no spring chicken. Looks fade. Loneliness doesn’t. And intelligent women can discern that.
Let me explain that. I was having a convo via text message with my good friend Nita. I was inviting her to an amazing hip hop event this week in the city. She’s feeling a little under the weather so I wasn’t sure if she would be up to it.
She wrote “…oooh I really want to see some bboys and they’d probably b there too.” I read the text too fast and thought she wrote ‘boys’ and not ‘B-Boys’ as she wrote. So to motivate her to health I texted back “boys boys boys”
She was confused and I wrote “haha I thought you meant boys cuz that’s what I wanna see! haha.”
Nita: Boys make my head hurt
Dash: They’re fun to play with!
Nita:Meh i guess
The thing is boys ARE fun! They’re fun to hang out with, they’re fun to date, they’re fun to make fun of, they’re fun to torture. They’re pretty much fun in any situation. I love boys! The funny thing is I’ve never been boy-crazy. I was a tom-boy for a large part of my life and under the 6 inch stilettos and MAC eyeshadow I can still scrap with the best of them. I have sent many a male suitor into the fetal position at my playful punches. I think the biggest reason women say boys cause headaches is because they actually take them for more than the joke they are. Stop taking these clowns seriously! Period.
I’m not saying to go around calling and believing every guy is an idiot (although that would help) but my best advice to women is do not take a boy seriously until it becomes natural to do so. To elaborate, keep everything light. Don’t be so uptight. Things women get upset about usually rolls right off a guy’s back. We should learn to do the same. To achieve all the goals I noted in my “Don’t Be Psycho,” it is important to stop taking boys and yourself so damn seriously! Life is short. Boys are fun. Play with them. Now, being able to play AND take him seriously, is what separates the men from the boys. So until then…as Lady Gaga said: “Boys! Boys! Boys! We love them, We love them!!” Couldn’t agree more.