The ending wasn’t my favorite, as a woman agreed in Whole Foods when she saw the book in my arms. However, the main character’s pearls of wisdom is so strongly interwoven in the novel, you will be a better person for having read them.
“Only about 3 percent of the 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (and Homo sapiens isn’t one of them)”August 18, 2010 at 11:58 AM | Posted in Love, Dating & Relationships | 12 Comments
I have been pondering the institution of marriage since I saw the Disney movie “Earth.” The movie follows a family of humpback whales, a polar bear father on the quest for food and a herd of elephants making a long migration, among others. The movie was beautiful but there was one nagging pervading behavior among all the male animals, they impregnated and jetted. Except the male penguin, who protected the egg while the female went to find food and vice-versa, the penguin relationship seemed to be coequal as far as the movie depicted but the other animal relationships weren’t. That got me thinking, if humans are so similar to animals and they can’t even get fidelity right, how are we supposed to? Is infidelity inherent? Is the monogamy of marriage a myth?
An insightful excerpt from Dr. Louann Brizendine’s, book “The Female Brain” characterizes some lizards are predisposed life-long bachelors and the same can be attributed to some human males.
One of the most colorful examples of animal tactics is provided by the side-blotched lizard (Uta stansburiana). Conveniently, the males come with three different colored throats that match their mating-styles. Males with orange throats use the alpha-male harem strategy. They guard a group of females and mate with all of them. The males with yellow throats are called “sneakers” because they slip into the harem of the orange throat and mate with his females whenever they can get away with it. The males with brilliant blue throats – my personal favorites — use the one-and-only-strategy. They mate with one female and guard her 24-7. From a biological perspective, the approaches of the orange-throated harem leader, the yellow-throated sneaker and the blue-throated one-female type are all successful mating strategies for lizards and for human males too.
Very interesting and I personally believe this to be true. Ladies, some wild boys just can’t be tamed, so let it go.
Continue Reading “Only about 3 percent of the 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (and Homo sapiens isn’t one of them)”…
I did and in under a year, it IS a process but you start to see dramtic results in as little as 5-6 months. Here are the steps I followed.
1. If you’re overweight, lose weight. This is number one. I had a little bit of stretch marks in high school but then those little 45 pounds happened during college. Yes, a full 45 pounds of human weight. I gradually lost it within 6 months, but this helps.
2. Use this soap 1-2 times a day on the stretch marks and SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB. You can get it at a beauty supply for $2.25-$2.50 per bar. (Body improvement on the cheap!) This soap also works wonders on evening out uneven skintone. My face officially glows now…but that may have something to do with this as well.
Browse. If something catches your eye. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
All delites range from $4-$10 See more HERE
Continue Reading Want some of Dash’s Delites? Take your pick here!…
“Honestly…” My journalism professor hated when anybody prefaced their statement with that word. “Were you lying to me all the other times?” he bellowed.
I used to be a pathological liar. Up until the age of 16. My parents knew every single time I lied, so I don’t know why I continued to do it. Finally, one day my mother asked me a question and I responded promptly with a lie. She sighed heavily and looked me in my eyes and said “Why do you have to lie? I know you’re lying,” she chuckled a bit, then looked back at me, “What’s the problem with telling the truth even if it’s bad we’re you’re parents, we love you so whatever it is at least tell us the truth so we can then deal with it.” I took those words to heart. I am glad to say I am no longer a pathological liar. I value honesty.
This wonderful woman, Dunni O. often calls me fearless. I remember the first time she tweeted this word to describe me, I was taken aback. I was speechless (this happens rarely). This was a loaded honor. To be called fearless means exactly what the word says. No fear. What does that mean to really live your life with no fear? You can only be fearless if you are honest. Mostly with yourself. The natural consequence is you will be honest with others. My mother told me, once you love yourself, truly love yourself and know WHO you are, nothing, NOTHING anyone says will ever hurt you. It will just roll right off your back. It starts within. Everything else are just the effects of the relationship you have with yourself. Humans are naturally their biggest and toughest critic, so if I can say to myself “whoa buddy you’re getting a little pudgy there, better hit the treadmill,” why can’t I tell a co-worker I didn’t appreciate her rude remark or tell Joe Smith where he can go after he barbarically demands my number. I love myself more than enough to be honest with myself, so that ability translates seamlessly to the environs of my life.
Continue Reading To be honest, you gotta live honestly…
Read from bottom to top. I chronicle my third harrowing experience of a perverted scumbag exposing himself to me. A friend of mine pointed out it’s an issue of power. Another friend said to not respond because they want a reaction. I say mace them to smithereens. See below for a list of resources.
Mace is legal in all 50 states but there are restrictions: WomensLaw.org
I don’t recommend buying the gun shaped mace, but there is a myriad of mace options here
Stun guns are illegal in some states. It’s interesting to see stun guns are outlawed in many of the big cities where an individual would feel the need to carry a stun gun. Check to see if it’s legal in yours here
Find a self-defense class in your area here
Snap a pic of the perv and post at HollaBackNYC an organization dedicated to figuratively zapping these creeps. Oh, if only it could be done physically.
I can be unreasonable at times, I freely and generously admit that, especially when it comes to men approaching women on the street. I would rather it never happen but I don’t expect everyone to be a genius think like me, but if you do decide to cross that line, tread carefully, men. Very, very carefully.
If you want to “get to know her”….It is your responsibility to make her feel as comfortable as humanely possible. YES, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
In the words of Phaedra Starling: “…The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted…So when you,a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself:Will this man rape me? Do you think I’m overreacting?” Bottom line. She doesn’t want to get raped. You don’t want to get maced. I personally would choose, the latter but as a woman I am forced to deal with the plausibility of the former.
Consider the time, place, and your actions.
Approaching a woman after hours on a dark street is not conducive to an easy number exchange. Some may ask well why is a woman even on the streets at these hours. Fair enough. But I don’t think having an X chromosome warrants a 9pm curfew. It’s unreasonable and downright sexist to suggest women should feel terror-stricken if she has to leave her home after it’s dark. I digress. Consider the time. Night time near an alleyway? Just keep it moving, I am telling you right now it’s not going to happen. While she’s on the phone? No sane woman will end her phone call to speak to a strange man who is commanding she tend to his needs and not her business. This is just ludicrous.
Expect her to reciprocate what you’re doling out.
You come at her crazy, expect an equal or greater crazy response. My bet’s on crazier.
She doesn’t have to say one blasted word to you
You. Are. A. Stranger. Repeat. Meditate on that phrase. We learned in kindergarten, to not speak to strangers and this still applies to a certain extent even into adulthood. Why does she have to speak to you just because you spoke to her? Human decency? Sure. But it’s her prerogative.
Talk to her not AT her.
There is a MAJOR difference between these two.
NO can never mean yes
She rolls her eyes. She doesn’t respond. She walks faster. Let it go. You win some, but you just lost one. Keep it moving. There is no reason to give chase, because…
Continue Reading Guys, please stop harassing women…